I LOVE LAMP

My childhood was magic.

Each birthday... every Christmas... Easter...Thanksgiving... even Valentine's Day was extra special and there was always something - an excitement - in the air in the Carlile house during these times. I understand how cheesy that may sound, but it's true.

I hope I can make that kind of atmosphere for our children someday.

There was one Christmas... while I was a teenager and Leanna was still pretty young, that my mom had gone back to work (for the first time since I was a little nugget... ) and things maybe weren't going as planned (financially) This is all assumption because I was completely oblivious to whatever their status was - this is all in hindsight... I remember Momma got upset (sad) after Christmas morning because she thought Leanna and I were... underwhelmed with the whole morning experience.

I must have been a terrible brat to make her think that! However, I never remember being disappointed or let down or anything but excited on those mornings - and it wasn't because of what I GOT - it was because of the love and the way my parents made every thing... each event... feel so significant.

Now don't get me wrong, I was 100% spoiled and didn't want for anything growing up, but it breaks my heart to think that I ever made either of my parents think they were doing anything except for surprising Leanna and me. They constantly made even the most normal day seem important... worth it... specific.  We were very happy little girls. Today we're very happy big girls.

As an adult I can recognize the care and attention to detail they spent making those memories what they are for me. Gosh... if anything was ever wrong, they totally had me fooled. Fooled isn't the right word: they always showed me the good. In everything. In most people, too. I didn't know any different (CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO THAT....... PLEASE?! ha).

They really did make it seem simple and natural... and EASY. And... maybe it was, for them - but I don't know that it will be for me. I'm going to do my best to give that enchanting element to my kids.

This didn't come out of nowhere :)

I went to East Texas this weekend to visit my parents and sister. We celebrated my birthday and had some fun family time - I even got to see a couple of friends while I was there. It's always so hard to fit everyone I want to see into a little teeny tiny weekend... someone always gets left out... and I always feel bad about it - but I hate to be rushed.

Anyways, I spent the night with my sister in her apartment Friday night - and didn't get to my parents house until Saturday around noon. As soon as I walked in my mom handed me a gift. It was a cookbook. A cookbook that 45 minutes before that I ALMOST bought for myself. My momma reads my mind.

Next I turned to the living room... where Daddy is sitting in his recliner (as expected) and there it is.

The lamp that I had "liked" on Facebook two days before. (a friend back in ETex just opened a super cute store... and she posted a photo of the lamp).

I said "I LOVE YOUR LAMP!"

He turned it around and there was a little sign on it that said "Happy Birthday, Love Daddy"

How sweet is that?

I'm 26 years old and my parents still surprise me in that way.

FALL IS HERE!!

5 Reasons to LOVE this time of year:

5 – It’s September. The weather is changing and I no longer break a sweat just walking from the office to my car. Residents are less cranky and thus, I hear from them less. No AC service requests at work = happy residents = more renewals = MAKES MY JOB EASIER. Hooray!

4 – Let the Christmas shopping begin! As of September 13, my little sister has been Christmas shopped.  If we spread it out for a few months… it doesn’t feel so financially terrible AND typically we save money by doing so (lots of sales right now!).

3 – It’s my birthday month. If you know me, you know I’m sort of a birthday brat. I get a whole month. As my husband refers to it, “the 30 days of Melanie” – you can start doing that too, if you want.

 

2 – CARDIGANS!!! They make me happy. In fact, layering makes me happy. Can’t layer when it’s 115 degrees outside and disgusting.  As a kid I loved summer… as an adult I am OVER it. Bugs, heat, sweat, no rain (not to mention.... children EVERYWHERE)…. NO THANK YOU. Fall, how I love thee and your beautiful changing trees!

Loft Cardigans: I'll take one of each color. Thanks.

1 – I want to be more active when it’s this amazing outside. I want to take my puppies to the park and run and lay on a blanket and read (okay, that’s not really “active” but it’s at least more interesting than just sitting inside reading….) and climb Pinnacle Mountain and redecorate the house (for Fall, and then Christmas!) …. For me, September is the beginning of the holiday season. This is THE BEST time of year!!

Pinnacle Mountain State Park @ Sunrise (picture borrowed from menaar.com). One of my favorite places: that's where JD proposed. New Year's Day 2009.

sleeeeeep - come to me!

Sleeping.

I haven't been doing much of that lately.

I've always been a CHAMPION sleeper. If it were an Olympic sport - I would WIN. Until lately...

I value sleep. Probably more than.... most of my friendships.

Not really! gosh... but, it's really important to me.

The problem isn't obvious (like it so often is...ha). I feeeeeel like a zombie. Caffeine has been necessary - except I'm not all that good at caffeine (usually I avoid it) - so I'm pretty bad with balance, as my friend Couch Amanda put it "Have you ever had so much caffeine that it feels like you have a hole in your head?" Errrr, yes... this week I HAVE!

Last night I was 110% sure I had found a winning (ewww, I can't "say" that without hearing Charlie Sheen... balls) ANYWAYS: Last night I was SO SURE I had found a solution: 2 glasses of wine. I started early. Around 7:30 or so.

Nope.

11:45 - a sleepy pill prescribed by my doctor (not the one with the grumpy receptionist - a different one with a rather cheery receptionist)

Nada.

1:30 - 2 bennadryl

Ugh... I think you get it.

I think I knocked out between 2 and 3.... only to wake up at 3:45.... and again at 5:50.

This is so uncool.

Tried something different tonight - even though I'm sluggish and exhausted and pa-retty cranky, I WORKED OUT.... assisted in dinner making (well, not really... but I did wash my hair and do the dishes.. both require lots of energy), made some S'more cupcakes (to make my husband popular at work) and now I'm blogging... which is obviously hard work. Short version: I've worn myself out. And it's late..... but I think maybe... JUST MAYBE I'll fall asleep and stay asleep until my alarm goes off.

Just like the old days.

You know, two weeks ago...

SWEET DREAMS!!!!

The photo: My sister and me doing some champion sleeping.


** leeeetle disclaimer: if this is gibberish, it must be due to the lack of sleep.

Grasshopper.

The husband is always prepared. Doesn't matter what we're talking about - he is prepared for it. It's adorable. It's one of the thousands of reasons I love him.

Saturday, this little fella rode a few miles from Pier1 to Kroger with us:

Actually, he was quite large. As far as grasshoppers go. He was big enough to make me get into the car in record speed. I'm not a fan of giant bugs...ick. I was pretty sure he was waiting on me to open my car door so he could attack and... I don't know... spit on me?  He traveled a lonnnng way for a bug - just by hitching a ride.

Anyways: this is really going somewhere. Kind of.

The conversation was as follows:

JD: Well, you know, if you were stranded in the jungle, those are the kind of things you would need to look for. For food. (with his "of course" voice)
Me: I will never be stranded in a jungle because I'll never go to a jungle (with MY "of course" voice. They're different)
JD: Fair enough.

When the end of the world comes, he is definitely the person to be with.

But that's how he thinks! Always prepared. I love it. <3

You must be pregnant before you can change doctors. Seriously.

I should be a little more careful with my phone conversations at work...

So - this is probably all TMI, but whatever... My lady needs doctor is ... OLD. Not just hard of hearing and exceptionally wrinkly.. he is ancient. I have to yell just to have a discussion with him. When I moved here, I just phone booked a doctor (I know... whyyyy?) - and I recently heard from my cousin (Garage Sale Julie) about a new doctor (one who can hear and wasn't around for the Civil War)...

I found out that the two doctors are in the same clinic - EASY! I thought... because all the new doctor would need to do to obtain my records is cross the clinic and make a copy.

Um. No.

The phone-answering-jewel-of-a person GUILT TRIPPED me about wanting to switch doctors and explained (harshly) that "there is a rule between doctors.. you can't just switch doctors without having permission.. unless you're pregnant because your doctor doesn't deliver anymore"

To which I saw an opening and went with it...

"Well I'm TRYING to be pregnant!" (... still in the office... and that's not true, but that's not ANY of HER business)

awful phone woman: "Well.. it would only make a difference if you WERE pregnant"

Me: "So I have to get pregnant before I can switch doctors? That doesn't make any sense."

APW: "Yes"

(long pause)

APW: "Well, your doctor isn't in today, and he won't be tomorrow - so it'll be at least Monday before I can call you to let you know if you CAN switch doctors"

Me: "You just told me my doctor doesn't deliver babies - I don't see why I can't just make an appointment with a doctor I want to see"

APW: "It'll be Monday before I get back to you"

No thanks, I'll just find another clinic - GAHHHHHH!

The office team had to have heard my side of the conversation... I wasn't quiet. So I should probably go back to work and explain that I am, in fact, not trying to be pregnant. Or maybe I'll make them wonder :)

.Frustrated.

Yesterday Luke (8) was describing a dream he had about giant spiders.... the giant spiders were, apparently, biting people - but not successfully hurting them. He went on to shake his head and exclaim: "It just doesn't make sense! Sometimes real life doesn't make sense, though."

No, Luke, it doesn't....

I'm still relatively young (I would like to think!) ... and I am always trying to make things that don't make sense (in real life) *right*.  Of course, this rarely works out for me and I usually just end up frustrated. I've got to learn not to put my emotions into things that are out of my control. My husband seems to have this mastered. And my Dad.... coincidence that they're both males? .... maybe not. I can only think of one woman in my close family that isn't under the delusion that we can "fix" things and will do so by telling people how we feel (previously mentioned cousin who is VERY organized and super efficient during a garage sale... or... anything. I think we're going to start calling her Garage Sale Julie) Because once you understand how I FEEL and you see WHAT I SEE, certainly you wouldn't continue whatever A-hole thing you were doing... no way! Psssch.

What doesn't make sense to me: A mother taking her son away from his (non-deadbeat) father... A dad who loves and laughs and plays and teaches .... THAT doesn't make sense... All so she can start over and maybe have less guilt about how she has lived her life...and the father/son relationship is continued via cell phone and skype...because that's the same as tucking your child in and picking them up from school and giving them a hug when they take a spill of the bike... you get it...

Of course, this particular mother knows exactly how I feel - and how he feels, for that matter - but she doesn't GET. IT.

I pray every day for some magical realization to come over her so she can fix this... so Luke doesn't spend every holiday on the road and every birthday without one of his parents... However, she is incredibly selfish... this isn't really about Luke. It's about her.

I've got to find a way to get rid of the anger I have towards her... it hurts me more than her, I know. Typically I'm good at turning negative feelings into something... SOMETHING... but she seems to be the exception. I'm definitely working on it... My biggest obstacle is that I don't understand how she can't see the problems she is causing for her own son... and I get all into it and emotional and negative... It's not productive, I know.

Sometimes real life doesn't make sense.

                                                    My boys on top of Pinnacle Mountain

The Nothing Post

I really wanted to blog tonight....

But I couldn't think of anything in particular to write about....

So instead I'm sharing this:

Goodnight!