What if I hadn't asked?!

 I asked for her.


Something I regretted immediately after she arrived.

I, at four or five years old, asked for a baby sister. No brothers, please - I already had one of those.

I remember my parents telling me that I had a sister on the way.... although looking back, I wonder if they even KNEW she was a girl, or if they were too afraid to tell me that there was a possibility it was a boy... You see, I got my way back then. And... most of the time now. It's a long-standing trend.

I asked them how she got in there.. "we prayed for her" is the answer I remember - and I think that's a pretty spectacular way to explain to a four or five year old that a baby is on the way... it wasn't even a lie.

While Momma was pregnant with Leanna, people brought gifts. Gifts for me AND the baby. I had that "big sister" t-shirt... I was "prepped" for the arrival of baby sister. I could tell something big was about to happen (even as a child you can comprehend that when people speak to you with their heads cocked to the side - they are nervous about how you're feeling)- but I didn't understand what the big deal was. I didn't really understand all of the gifts, either - but it wasn't all that unusual for people to show up at our house with treats for me.

Then she got here.

Then I understood why people were talking to me with their heads cocked to the side and an inflection in their voice.

I was one pissed off 5 (almost 6) year old.

My Aunt Diana somehow got voted to take care of me for the first few days (weeks? I don't know... I was 5) after Leanna and Momma came home from the hospital. I say voted because I was catching on to how things were going to go... and I was kind of a pill.

Now... things you should know about Aunt Diana (Garage Sale Julie's mom. pronounced: Dinah... as in.. someone's in the kitchen with...) - she is loving, dramatic, sweet and can be very sarcastic.

Obviously after my parents brought Leanna home from the hospital and I wasn't able to see my mother every second that I wanted to like previously (she was exhausted and taking care of a newborn, after all), and Aunt Diana was there to comfort me... which she did, for the most part. I imagine this is how it went though...from my blurry little memory:

I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning wanting my Momma... Aunt Diana would sing me back to sleep, scratch my back and talk to me about Leanna....I would wake up again, and she would do something else sweet and kind and I would doze off.... around the third time, she started messing with me. This is how: I would start crying.... she got one of those devices used to measure liquid medicine for children and started "measuring my tears" so the next morning we could "see how upset I was" or some crap like that. Real smooth, Aunt Diana. I know she was just sleepy. She and I are actually a whole lot alike NOW... but then, I did not think she was humorous AT ALL. Giant alligator tears followed her measuring joke.

After the baby came, the gifts slowed down. Not cool. My world was rocked. You see, I was kind of like an only child with a bonus: I had (have) an amazing big brother - but he was off to college by the time I was three... so that house was MINE. I was kicking myself for allowing this to happen. What was I thinking? Shouldn't I have just gone to get a doll? Good grief.

There was a pivotal moment in my relationship with Leanna... she was somewhere between 3 and 6 months when I decided I should probably get over myself and start trying to like her. Apparently they were going to keep her... so....

I had a little camera... disposable, I believe, and asked Mom to take our picture in the front yard holding some teeny version of the American flag. I was holding the baby and the American flag. Clearly I wanted to work things out.. I was playing nice... I wasn't even thinking about taking her back to the hospital and leaving her there with some other family. I MUST find these photos.

Leanna is absolutely one my best friends. Nobody else knows me like her.... and vice versa. Having a sister is like having a built in BFF. We've been attached since, well, that day in the yard with a mini-flag (in my head). Of course, we had some growing pains... somewhere while I was 13 and she was 7ish things got hairy, but for the most part - we've been living happily in sisterhood.

All of this made me consider (after I was old enough to recognize these kinds of things...) how hard it must have been on our brother when I was born. If it was hard, he hasn't ever said anything.... but, he wouldn't :) Plus, he used me as a chick magnet for a while - so things turned out okay for him.

ONE DAY I plan to live closer to both of them... we're only about 5 hours apart right now... but that's just too far.