Thanksgiving: this and that.

Whoa. I'm still full.

Moments from the past few days that you may want to know about:

6 - I completed my entire Thanksgiving list, and my dad referred to me as "organized". That probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you: but it is. I'm constantly having to make myself get organized because I'm naturally scattered. List making keeps me sane (ish). And happy!

5 - The day before Thanksgiving, my in-laws showed up at my front door.... TO HELP ME CLEAN. It was the sweetest thing....My Mother-in-Law told me that she didn't want to "hurt my feelings, but she understood that I work all the time and I had been sick the weekend before... so she wanted to help" - she also told me that I could take all the credit for my spotless house. I, of course, bragged to everyone who would listen about how sweet they are and how much help it was to have them over. I totally lucked out in the in-law department. She even dusted.

4 - Explaining to my sister that she "gets" to sleep on Luke's top bunk bed... and then having to apologize the next morning when he woke up with the sun and played music... and started creating with legos.

3 - Being in the kitchen with most of the people I love... it was a complete success and the first time the husband and I have been "in charge" of pulling off such a feast. I have to admit, it was quite tasty... and I didn't burn one thing! The turkey was perfect and now we all know that my husband can cook a bird to perfection. I feel like I got to use all of my housewife skills. Originally we set a goal of 2:30 for dinner..... we started gathering around the table at 2:26. BOOM!

2 - Running my errands the day before...completing them all before 10 AM - I had: Christmas presents, 4 pies and 2 freshly groomed dogs (one small.... one large and tubby) in my car... Pies and presents in the front seat.... dogs in the back each looking out of a window. I was feeling like a totally efficient adult. I was basking in my success with my sunglasses on and fully dressed even on my day off at 10 am. I turned the car off, pulled the key out.. and Pete (little one) jumped into the front seat on top of a pie. smoosh. Eh.... I decided I had better things to do than freak out about it. It was covered. Not pretty, but covered. The good news: I laughed and didn't yell.

1 - My mother - who is definitely one of my heroes for so many reasons including this one - looks over to my mother-in-law, the preacher's wife... and also one of my heroes, and asks "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BITCHIN' KITCHEN?"

0 - because I didn't know that I was going to have 7, and adding 0 is the lazier way to add another. My family always goes around the table to say what we're thankful for on Thanksgiving - and my MIL just about made us all cry when she said she is thankful for me and also for our marriage - because I bring so much happiness to JD. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to know that it's easily recognized by his parents how happy we are together... and how happy he is.

-1 - I'm sorry! I'll be done after this one. Obviously I'm really great at planning...
My cousin (Garage Sale Julie) and her little ones came over - one of them is my actual God-child - though they're both dear to my heart. Jack (2) walked in and said "GOBBLE GOBBLE". I can't express to you how adorable this was - but it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Then we (Jack + Addie) had a moment to browse the toy catalogs... and I no longer have to worry about what to get them for Christmas. 

Thanksgiving was dreamy. It was just enough chaos and just enough relaxing... it was amazing food and even more amazing family time. I didn't have to miss my parents or my in-laws... we were all here. Luke is home. My dogs have been clean for over 24 hours now and don't yet smell like their muddy backyard. Things feel pretty perfect :)

I don't feel all that eloquent tonight... in fact, I haven't been able to post because I've been having trouble writing lately... but I had to share these. Excuse the poor writing skills.... and if you see my typical writing skills which are just a little better than these, send them home.

I don't play the piano.

Three years ago I had jaw surgery. Yes, that's right, I had jaw surgery a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving (it was the only time I could do it....it was complete torture).  With that being said, I was incredibly drugged up and still not quite used to staying awake for full days when Thanksgiving dinner with the family came around. Saying it was "jaw surgery" makes it sound wayyy more simple than it actually was, but I'm not going to go into all of it because it's quite boring unless you're my dentist or surgeon (I hope they're both enjoying their boats!).

I wasn't even engaged to JD yet - and I was still news to his family. He has a really, really sweet family - and I love them to pieces, but back then I was still trying to impress them and show them that I was (am) a keeper. It was still the awkward part of a relationship as far as hanging out with the family went...they had only known I existed for about two months.. and here I am post surgery, drugged up and sitting at their dinner table not eating. Loads of fun for everyone involved.

Before I knew it - this is all extremely blurry to me - my future mother-in-law fills an awkward silence with "oh, Melanie plays the piano AND the organ!"

I, unable to really react in decent time, finally realize what she has said and give my not-yet-husband a look with my eyeballs practically falling out of my face that says "I DO NO SUCH THINGS"... he is, in return, giving me the exact same expression. Luke is sitting in between us. The conversation has all ready moved onto something else. His Aunt Linda has acknowledged that "Melanie plays the piano AND the organ"... the moment to correct them has passed. Besides, I'm drugged up... so I'm sitting there worried that I may have TOLD HER that I play the piano AND THE ORGAN... but I couldn't recall.

I think I had 4 naps that day... and it just didn't come up again. I figured it would go away and I wouldn't have to address the fact that I do not play the piano. Or the organ.

Then Christmas came around.

My boyfriend's mom, who thinks I can play, regularly plays at church and is incredibly talented, asks me to play while we're decorating the Christmas tree. I don't really remember what I did to get out of it, but she just concluded (out loud) that I was just being modest.

Easter comes. Same thing.

Eventually she asks more frequently.

We get married.

We have a year anniversary... all the while, this is going on. "Oh, Melanie, why don't you play something? I have music right here!", "you must be so talented you just don't want to show off"... inside my head. exploding.

By now, I've told my mom what's going on. She thinks it's hilarious, but I was really worried about explaining to my Mother-in-law that I didn't know where she came up with that... but I am not a fellow piano player. I was embarrassed that I had let it go on this long. But if you know my mother-in-law, you know that she is so sweet and so gentle... and the last person on earth you would want to disappoint. I guess I also came into this family worried about disappointing them (eh, insecurities... sillyness) which made it even harder to face. Mom and I had several discussions on how I could make this go away - but her advice was always to just tell the truth.

I called my Aunt Diana - who plays and has taught the piano - to ask her how long it would take her to teach me a song... a good song that seemed complicated enough for a pro to play - but easy enough for an amateur. She laughed. It was a short conversation.

It made me feel guilty.. but also, anytime his mom mentioned it - JD looked at me with this expression that I cannot even describe. He wanted to laugh.. and I wanted him to instigate this moment of truth confession extravaganza. He never did either.

Finally, this year (I KNOW... almost three years later) we were sitting down at Mimi's Cafe having brunch - and the subject comes up. Again.

I look at my husband. I knew it was time.

I took a deep breath.

It all came spilling out... the whole thing. I was almost in tears - which I'm sure seems ridiculous. My Father-in-law was the first to laugh (thank goodness) and eventually we all laughed. She revisits all the moments I've turned down playing the piano for her.. and it all comes together. She doesn't know when she got the idea that I had such talents... but she really believed that I told her.. and maybe I did.. on one very blurry, post-op day.

I'm sorry, I can't - I have to wash my hair.

I'm officially lame.

and I completely expect to get judged for this, but that's okay - I'm asking for it, right?

The husband and I got asked to go to dinner and a movie tonight. by friends that we haven't seen in a while. a long while....

it was sort of short notice.

We're not short notice kind of people (anymore).

Instead I (kindly) replied that we have a date.... at the grocery store... Looking back, I probably should have just left it at "we have a date".

I get how terrible that sounds, but in my defense, we really do love going to the grocery store together. And we're sooo out of all the things that make our tummies happy.

After I replied and felt like an ass (I mean, I may as well have said "I have to wash my hair"... which I really should do soon), I realized that she must think we're such losers now...


These are friends that we used to go out with and stay up until the wee hours of the morning dancing and drinking and laughing and being silly with.

Oops.

Off to Kroger!!

The (travel) Hangover.

Visiting the town I grew up in is always a little strange.

For one, the place always looks EXACTLY the same to me - even though I know there have to be changes... somewhere. It takes me a few days, typically, after a visit to East Texas to recuperate. It's not that I don't like being there, it's that it's emotionally draining - especially when my husband doesn't go with me.

The truth is: I have a lot that I left there that I don't have to face or think about. Until I'm there. Alone.

I went to the track (the high school track... well, the high school, middle school and elementary track... because the school I went to was that small) on Saturday to run a bit - I don't think I had been there since I graduated. And since I spent my senior year of high school avoiding the place altogether, it had probably been longer than that. I'm sure I'm not the only person who gets an eerie feeling being back there: for going to such a teeny school, I lost a lot of friends (in a school of this particular size, your friends with almost everyone... or you at least know everyone and pass them on a daily basis). When I say "lost friends", what I mean is: we all attended many funerals. We all = the people who had to deal with the same thing.

So, while running on the track, thoughts of these people.... these friends seemed to follow closely.

I know nostalgia can be an ugly thing... it's not that I think I'm the only person who left heartbreak, failed relationships (and friendships), my previous self, and headstones that I can't ever go look at - it's that I really don't think about any of this... (on purpose) - it hit me a little hard this time. I rarely go out of town without the husband... so this type of travel hangover isn't usually so bad. I think I'm just now over it this afternoon... I've been back since early Sunday.

I'm used to driving with my parents' house in my rear view and tears in my eyes... it still hurts, but I prepare myself for it. I wasn't prepared this time for the rest of it.

A certain guilt comes with living away from my family. We're a close family - so seeing them once a month (most of the time... sometimes more, sometimes less) is difficult. I see my brother even less than that... which I hate. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I absolutely love Little Rock (believe it or not!), but it's never going to be easy to be away from them. I am always having to remind myself that they're not THAT far away... too far to have lunch with any given day... too far to go to my niece's dance recital at a moments notice... but not too far for a weekend visit.

Here's the thing: I don't see myself living there. Maybe, big fat maybe, back in DFW someday... but..I don't know.

I get panicky when I think about having kids and being away from all of them... but I have to remember: five years ago I had no idea I would be here... and I don't exactly know where I'll be five years from now. It's the comfort I have when this sort of panic comes up. I've never taken such comfort in the unknown.

I guess it's been kind of an exhausting three days - trying to digest the emotions... but I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

PS - this is not to say that my visit with my family and friends while I was in town wasn't great - because it was. I loved every second of spending time with them. Disclaimer complete.