I sneezed on someone today.
I'm not proud of it.
A complete stranger in the grocery store came to get milk, and left with milk plus my snot.
I HATE being sick.
I tried really hard not to be all "woe is me" because it's Christmas and Luke is home and I was with family... Luckily (sorry dad...) Dad had the same whatever that I have... so together we were pretty pitiful. My poor mother.
Before I got sick I hurt my back... like an old lady - WHAT is going on? I can't complain too much... Doc sent me the good pills (the kind that make large family gatherings easier).
Anyways... It's been really great visiting with friends and family and all - but I'm done with this cold. DONE.
Conversation between the husband and me today:
Me: I hate that I've been sick.... I haven't been awake for a full day in almost a week.
Husband: .... yeah? :he looks at me over his glasses... nose pointed down:
Me: Well... I guess that's not so abnormal... I'm just sorry I'm sick.
Husband: Yeah, I thought that's what you meant.
To the individual I sneezed on: I'm really sorry... it sneaked up on me... I'm normally not so disgusting.
I love Christmas.... it's possibly my favorite time of year - but I haven't been able to enjoy it as much as normal. I did manage to keep my scrooge-ness to myself (that is until now). You won't get a "bah humbug" out of me; I still have enjoyed it all... minus the sneezing on strangers.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
I had a day.
I had such a day yesterday.
We're all allowed a day every once in a while.
It was a fling-yourself-dramatically-across-the-bed kind of day that turned into a curl-up-into-the-fetal-position and wait for things to feel better kind of day.
It started early, too. Right after we woke up.
As mentioned before: I make lists. My one big list hasn't, for practical reasons- mind you, been completed. It is the CHRISTMAS list.
Yesterday morning all I could think of was getting things done. I was out of town for most of the week and when I got back the husband and I had THREE Christmas parties in 48 hours.
That being said, my husband lived as a bachelor all week with the dogs (and the cat). He did things like eat cheese. Like... while it's still a block. He made steaks and included a special plate for Shep. I can't really say too much- typically when I'm out of town he is productive. Time before last he installed new lighting into the kitchen... making things much brighter and happier. He DID complete a large portion of the Christmas shopping.... which is amazing. Point being: MY HOUSE WAS A DISASTER.
I don't think straight when my house is a disaster and my to-do list is not complete.
So yesterday I woke up to finish addressing Christmas cards. That's right. It was December 17th and my Christmas cards haven't been mailed. I'm sitting there, surrounded by cards, mad at myself that this is even happening.. and then I realized I was missing some addresses.... so I had to email, text, facebook and send telepathic messages to a few people to get their updated address... What I needed was INSTANT GRATIFICATION. So we went to lunch. Because I'm no good without food.
Bought the very last Christmas present of the season. Had a delicious lunch at Big Orange. Then came home with a new perspective on life.. I had a tasty burger in my belly and had completed a couple of things on my list. Next: finish the cards.
The post offices closes at 1 on Saturday. Did you know that?
I didn't.
My feeling of self worth dwindled... (this is where I fling myself across the bed.... dramatically). All I could see was the unwrapped gifts, the cat hair on... everything, my laundry PILES... more than one. At this stage during my Christmas list, I'm supposed to be hearing Christmas music, baking cookies and pretending to be MARTHA STEWART. Or my Mother. Yes, my mother... that's way better.
Then it's a series of "where can I start" thoughts and "HOW did my house get into this kind of condition" thoughts. That's where I curl into the fetal position and bury myself in the bed. I couldn't seem to start doing anything on my list.
There comes a point when I have so much to do and I feel overloaded that I just decide not to do any of it and throw a fit like a 3 year old instead. Because that's productive. It makes complete sense.
My husband digs through the bed to find me smack in the middle. Not that I'm hard to miss... large ball in the middle of the bed - could be a laundry pile: but was me.
He does this magical thing he always does. Those almond shaped green eyes of his are so calming. He gets me to settle down... tells me to take a nap...This is not his first rodeo, no.
When I woke up, I heard Christmas music... and he was on the living room floor wrapping a few gifts.
And the floor was vacuumed. It's a Christmas Miracle. At least, that's what it felt like.
**This is, of course, the watered down version. There is no way I'll let anyone except for my husband see exactly how crazy I am :)
We're all allowed a day every once in a while.
It was a fling-yourself-dramatically-across-the-bed kind of day that turned into a curl-up-into-the-fetal-position and wait for things to feel better kind of day.
It started early, too. Right after we woke up.
As mentioned before: I make lists. My one big list hasn't, for practical reasons- mind you, been completed. It is the CHRISTMAS list.
Yesterday morning all I could think of was getting things done. I was out of town for most of the week and when I got back the husband and I had THREE Christmas parties in 48 hours.
That being said, my husband lived as a bachelor all week with the dogs (and the cat). He did things like eat cheese. Like... while it's still a block. He made steaks and included a special plate for Shep. I can't really say too much- typically when I'm out of town he is productive. Time before last he installed new lighting into the kitchen... making things much brighter and happier. He DID complete a large portion of the Christmas shopping.... which is amazing. Point being: MY HOUSE WAS A DISASTER.
I don't think straight when my house is a disaster and my to-do list is not complete.
So yesterday I woke up to finish addressing Christmas cards. That's right. It was December 17th and my Christmas cards haven't been mailed. I'm sitting there, surrounded by cards, mad at myself that this is even happening.. and then I realized I was missing some addresses.... so I had to email, text, facebook and send telepathic messages to a few people to get their updated address... What I needed was INSTANT GRATIFICATION. So we went to lunch. Because I'm no good without food.
Bought the very last Christmas present of the season. Had a delicious lunch at Big Orange. Then came home with a new perspective on life.. I had a tasty burger in my belly and had completed a couple of things on my list. Next: finish the cards.
The post offices closes at 1 on Saturday. Did you know that?
I didn't.
My feeling of self worth dwindled... (this is where I fling myself across the bed.... dramatically). All I could see was the unwrapped gifts, the cat hair on... everything, my laundry PILES... more than one. At this stage during my Christmas list, I'm supposed to be hearing Christmas music, baking cookies and pretending to be MARTHA STEWART. Or my Mother. Yes, my mother... that's way better.
Then it's a series of "where can I start" thoughts and "HOW did my house get into this kind of condition" thoughts. That's where I curl into the fetal position and bury myself in the bed. I couldn't seem to start doing anything on my list.
There comes a point when I have so much to do and I feel overloaded that I just decide not to do any of it and throw a fit like a 3 year old instead. Because that's productive. It makes complete sense.
My husband digs through the bed to find me smack in the middle. Not that I'm hard to miss... large ball in the middle of the bed - could be a laundry pile: but was me.
He does this magical thing he always does. Those almond shaped green eyes of his are so calming. He gets me to settle down... tells me to take a nap...This is not his first rodeo, no.
When I woke up, I heard Christmas music... and he was on the living room floor wrapping a few gifts.
And the floor was vacuumed. It's a Christmas Miracle. At least, that's what it felt like.
**This is, of course, the watered down version. There is no way I'll let anyone except for my husband see exactly how crazy I am :)
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Let's talk about things that make me feel less like an adult
I'm out of town for work this week. Staying in a hotel. A hotel with those key cards that can be frustrating... but never as frustrating as THIS.
My room has two doors... one on each end of the room. One door opens to the lobby with the gym and pool... the other door opens to a hallway that I suppose service uses because that's where my breakfast came from this morning.
Last night I needed ice. And Ginger Ale. Needed.
I had already showered... had my pjs on... and if you're female you know that once your bra is off for the day, it's not coming back on. Right? right. I'm glad we all agree. I have the same rule with shoes.
Surely the ice machine is right down the hall... right?
I head out without shoes, and with the ice bucket and my arms in awkward positions so as not to expose le boobies. I know. That's just country. But I'm thinking this is going to be a discrete, quick trip down the hall.
Okay... surely the ice machine is at the other end of the hall that I hadn't explored, right?
Failed mission. I head back to the room... empty ice bucket thinking to myself "this is one of the many reasons I keep the husband around" (I mean, obviously, there are so many other reasons) He wouldn't even need to ask where the ice machine is... he would just go get ice. He has ice machine radar.
When I get back to my room - at the same door I just left - I put the key in: green light! door doesn't open.
Slide card: green light! (flash of excitement).... door doesn't open.
This goes on at lease 12 more times. Finally it opens. This door was messing with me.
So... I do the unthinkable and hoist the ladies back into the bra... put on the only flat shoes I brought - which happen to be leopard print - they totally meshed with my green flannel pants and Razorback T that I stole from JD's T-shirt stash (why are his shirts always more comfortable? Why?) and I head, a little embarrassed that I needed to ask where the stinking ice machine is, to the front desk.
The front desk guy, who clearly loves his job, pretty much rolled his eyes at me and told me to go down a hall no where close to me and then turn right. And then turn right again. Hooray! Ice! Next stop: Ginger Ale. Easy. Done. Heading back to my room with Ginger Ale that I purchased for as much as I could buy a case of it, a bucket full of ice and water that was, apparently, made from unicorn juice because it too was overpriced. I didn't care. I had what I came for.
This time I'm trying the inside door - the other door - facing the lobby. I slide the card. Red light. Red is bad, right?
Slide it again. Green!
no luck.
again, again, again.... green, red, green.....
This is ridiculous.
I go to the OTHER door. Hauling all of my goodies around past the front desk (this guy I KNOW was laughing at me) back to the service hall alllllllllllllll the way to the end where my door is.
slide, slide, slide, slide, SLIDE, SLIDE OH MY GOSH SLIDE. Lights are green. I'm intelligent enough to know that this HAS to be the way to get into my room... why isn't it working? Why am I still in the hallway with my leopard print shoes and freezing hands and MY BRA ON?
I just leaned against the door with my forehead for a minute.
I wasn't about to go around to the OTHER DOOR again.
Slide. GREEN LIGHT! I'M IN.
It only took me 43 minutes to get ice.
My room has two doors... one on each end of the room. One door opens to the lobby with the gym and pool... the other door opens to a hallway that I suppose service uses because that's where my breakfast came from this morning.
Last night I needed ice. And Ginger Ale. Needed.
I had already showered... had my pjs on... and if you're female you know that once your bra is off for the day, it's not coming back on. Right? right. I'm glad we all agree. I have the same rule with shoes.
Surely the ice machine is right down the hall... right?
I head out without shoes, and with the ice bucket and my arms in awkward positions so as not to expose le boobies. I know. That's just country. But I'm thinking this is going to be a discrete, quick trip down the hall.
Okay... surely the ice machine is at the other end of the hall that I hadn't explored, right?
Failed mission. I head back to the room... empty ice bucket thinking to myself "this is one of the many reasons I keep the husband around" (I mean, obviously, there are so many other reasons) He wouldn't even need to ask where the ice machine is... he would just go get ice. He has ice machine radar.
When I get back to my room - at the same door I just left - I put the key in: green light! door doesn't open.
Slide card: green light! (flash of excitement).... door doesn't open.
This goes on at lease 12 more times. Finally it opens. This door was messing with me.
So... I do the unthinkable and hoist the ladies back into the bra... put on the only flat shoes I brought - which happen to be leopard print - they totally meshed with my green flannel pants and Razorback T that I stole from JD's T-shirt stash (why are his shirts always more comfortable? Why?) and I head, a little embarrassed that I needed to ask where the stinking ice machine is, to the front desk.
The front desk guy, who clearly loves his job, pretty much rolled his eyes at me and told me to go down a hall no where close to me and then turn right. And then turn right again. Hooray! Ice! Next stop: Ginger Ale. Easy. Done. Heading back to my room with Ginger Ale that I purchased for as much as I could buy a case of it, a bucket full of ice and water that was, apparently, made from unicorn juice because it too was overpriced. I didn't care. I had what I came for.
This time I'm trying the inside door - the other door - facing the lobby. I slide the card. Red light. Red is bad, right?
Slide it again. Green!
no luck.
again, again, again.... green, red, green.....
This is ridiculous.
I go to the OTHER door. Hauling all of my goodies around past the front desk (this guy I KNOW was laughing at me) back to the service hall alllllllllllllll the way to the end where my door is.
slide, slide, slide, slide, SLIDE, SLIDE OH MY GOSH SLIDE. Lights are green. I'm intelligent enough to know that this HAS to be the way to get into my room... why isn't it working? Why am I still in the hallway with my leopard print shoes and freezing hands and MY BRA ON?
I just leaned against the door with my forehead for a minute.
I wasn't about to go around to the OTHER DOOR again.
Slide. GREEN LIGHT! I'M IN.
It only took me 43 minutes to get ice.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday, I love you.
I love Couch Amanda for so many reasons... this is one of them
Conversation from Thursday night - right after work, 6:30ish:
Amanda: HEEEEY, you wanna go workout?
Me (in a not nearly as enthusiastic tone): I was on my feet all day and my back hurts... I want to, but I can't really talk myself into it.
Amanda:HEEEEEY, you wanna hang out on the couch?
:)
It's Saturday morning... and the husband and I are not traveling... we don't have any plans.... there is no agenda. Hooray!! This isn't the sort of thing that if it happened often, I would devalue it... there isn't that "too much of a good thing" element... I'm not afraid of that ever happening. They are rare because of several outside reasons... but also because I don't let them happen enough.
This time of year (especially) it's easy for me to put too much on my plate... I overwhelm myself with things I need to complete, and when I don't complete them I get bummed.... I'm sure I'm not alone in this.... working out was on my list Thursday. It didn't happen - as you can see above - and you can bet I kind of beat myself up about it.
I make lists. Lots of lists. My boss, at this point, knows that if I don't make a list by 10:30 AM - my day is going to be completely useless. Shot. Not productive. I have to make a list to get things done. Otherwise, I'm just aimlessly walking around the office looking for things to do with a vacant look in my eyes.
This habit continues in my non-work related life: I make grocery lists in order of how I walk through the store, I make Christmas lists, I make house cleaning lists and errands lists. I don't chill until my list is complete. Which is why most of my Christmas shopping is all ready done (hello, cyber Monday). The one thing I never include in a list: laundry. I hate laundry. I'll do it when I'm out of clothes. Then, and only then, will my laundry be done.
My lists are helpful (especially my amazing grocery lists) - and necessary for someone who is not naturally organized (like me... without a list, sooo scattered) - but ending the day with items still on my list makes for a cranky Melanie. And I tend to put too much on my list sometimes... it's a vicious cycle. I need to ease up!
I LOVE scratching items off my list. Luckily my husband thinks it's "cute". Or at least that's what he says
my point... because there is one : I don't often allow myself to just do nothing and not feel guilty about it. So sitting on my couch watching last nights DVR'd Chelsea Lately with my Pete, who is actually laying down beside me... even the dog is relaxing today, and blogging in my PJs at 9:58 AM is a treat. I don't have a list for today. Although the ridiculous part of me wants to make a list that simply says : Relax.
Oh, and I just had some really great hot tea. I love not being in a hurry.
Living life on the edge. Ha!
Just a side note: My husband introduced me to an app called EverNote - it's amazing. I can make a list on my mac - and it will be on my phone... it saves everything... you can use it to catalog ANYTHING. You can edit it on your phone or computer and it will save... you'll never forget things because they are THERE. It's a list makers dream come true.
Conversation from Thursday night - right after work, 6:30ish:
Amanda: HEEEEY, you wanna go workout?
Me (in a not nearly as enthusiastic tone): I was on my feet all day and my back hurts... I want to, but I can't really talk myself into it.
Amanda:HEEEEEY, you wanna hang out on the couch?
:)
It's Saturday morning... and the husband and I are not traveling... we don't have any plans.... there is no agenda. Hooray!! This isn't the sort of thing that if it happened often, I would devalue it... there isn't that "too much of a good thing" element... I'm not afraid of that ever happening. They are rare because of several outside reasons... but also because I don't let them happen enough.
This time of year (especially) it's easy for me to put too much on my plate... I overwhelm myself with things I need to complete, and when I don't complete them I get bummed.... I'm sure I'm not alone in this.... working out was on my list Thursday. It didn't happen - as you can see above - and you can bet I kind of beat myself up about it.
I make lists. Lots of lists. My boss, at this point, knows that if I don't make a list by 10:30 AM - my day is going to be completely useless. Shot. Not productive. I have to make a list to get things done. Otherwise, I'm just aimlessly walking around the office looking for things to do with a vacant look in my eyes.
This habit continues in my non-work related life: I make grocery lists in order of how I walk through the store, I make Christmas lists, I make house cleaning lists and errands lists. I don't chill until my list is complete. Which is why most of my Christmas shopping is all ready done (hello, cyber Monday). The one thing I never include in a list: laundry. I hate laundry. I'll do it when I'm out of clothes. Then, and only then, will my laundry be done.
My lists are helpful (especially my amazing grocery lists) - and necessary for someone who is not naturally organized (like me... without a list, sooo scattered) - but ending the day with items still on my list makes for a cranky Melanie. And I tend to put too much on my list sometimes... it's a vicious cycle. I need to ease up!
I LOVE scratching items off my list. Luckily my husband thinks it's "cute". Or at least that's what he says
my point... because there is one : I don't often allow myself to just do nothing and not feel guilty about it. So sitting on my couch watching last nights DVR'd Chelsea Lately with my Pete, who is actually laying down beside me... even the dog is relaxing today, and blogging in my PJs at 9:58 AM is a treat. I don't have a list for today. Although the ridiculous part of me wants to make a list that simply says : Relax.
 |
| Relaxing Pete and my knee. |
Oh, and I just had some really great hot tea. I love not being in a hurry.
Living life on the edge. Ha!
Just a side note: My husband introduced me to an app called EverNote - it's amazing. I can make a list on my mac - and it will be on my phone... it saves everything... you can use it to catalog ANYTHING. You can edit it on your phone or computer and it will save... you'll never forget things because they are THERE. It's a list makers dream come true.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving: this and that.
Whoa. I'm still full.
Moments from the past few days that you may want to know about:
6 - I completed my entire Thanksgiving list, and my dad referred to me as "organized". That probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you: but it is. I'm constantly having to make myself get organized because I'm naturally scattered. List making keeps me sane (ish). And happy!
5 - The day before Thanksgiving, my in-laws showed up at my front door.... TO HELP ME CLEAN. It was the sweetest thing....My Mother-in-Law told me that she didn't want to "hurt my feelings, but she understood that I work all the time and I had been sick the weekend before... so she wanted to help" - she also told me that I could take all the credit for my spotless house. I, of course, bragged to everyone who would listen about how sweet they are and how much help it was to have them over. I totally lucked out in the in-law department. She even dusted.
4 - Explaining to my sister that she "gets" to sleep on Luke's top bunk bed... and then having to apologize the next morning when he woke up with the sun and played music... and started creating with legos.
3 - Being in the kitchen with most of the people I love... it was a complete success and the first time the husband and I have been "in charge" of pulling off such a feast. I have to admit, it was quite tasty... and I didn't burn one thing! The turkey was perfect and now we all know that my husband can cook a bird to perfection. I feel like I got to use all of my housewife skills. Originally we set a goal of 2:30 for dinner..... we started gathering around the table at 2:26. BOOM!
2 - Running my errands the day before...completing them all before 10 AM - I had: Christmas presents, 4 pies and 2 freshly groomed dogs (one small.... one large and tubby) in my car... Pies and presents in the front seat.... dogs in the back each looking out of a window. I was feeling like a totally efficient adult. I was basking in my success with my sunglasses on and fully dressed even on my day off at 10 am. I turned the car off, pulled the key out.. and Pete (little one) jumped into the front seat on top of a pie. smoosh. Eh.... I decided I had better things to do than freak out about it. It was covered. Not pretty, but covered. The good news: I laughed and didn't yell.
1 - My mother - who is definitely one of my heroes for so many reasons including this one - looks over to my mother-in-law, the preacher's wife... and also one of my heroes, and asks "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BITCHIN' KITCHEN?"
0 - because I didn't know that I was going to have 7, and adding 0 is the lazier way to add another. My family always goes around the table to say what we're thankful for on Thanksgiving - and my MIL just about made us all cry when she said she is thankful for me and also for our marriage - because I bring so much happiness to JD. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to know that it's easily recognized by his parents how happy we are together... and how happy he is.
-1 - I'm sorry! I'll be done after this one. Obviously I'm really great at planning...
My cousin (Garage Sale Julie) and her little ones came over - one of them is my actual God-child - though they're both dear to my heart. Jack (2) walked in and said "GOBBLE GOBBLE". I can't express to you how adorable this was - but it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Then we (Jack + Addie) had a moment to browse the toy catalogs... and I no longer have to worry about what to get them for Christmas.
Thanksgiving was dreamy. It was just enough chaos and just enough relaxing... it was amazing food and even more amazing family time. I didn't have to miss my parents or my in-laws... we were all here. Luke is home. My dogs have been clean for over 24 hours now and don't yet smell like their muddy backyard. Things feel pretty perfect :)
I don't feel all that eloquent tonight... in fact, I haven't been able to post because I've been having trouble writing lately... but I had to share these. Excuse the poor writing skills.... and if you see my typical writing skills which are just a little better than these, send them home.
Moments from the past few days that you may want to know about:
6 - I completed my entire Thanksgiving list, and my dad referred to me as "organized". That probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you: but it is. I'm constantly having to make myself get organized because I'm naturally scattered. List making keeps me sane (ish). And happy!
5 - The day before Thanksgiving, my in-laws showed up at my front door.... TO HELP ME CLEAN. It was the sweetest thing....My Mother-in-Law told me that she didn't want to "hurt my feelings, but she understood that I work all the time and I had been sick the weekend before... so she wanted to help" - she also told me that I could take all the credit for my spotless house. I, of course, bragged to everyone who would listen about how sweet they are and how much help it was to have them over. I totally lucked out in the in-law department. She even dusted.
4 - Explaining to my sister that she "gets" to sleep on Luke's top bunk bed... and then having to apologize the next morning when he woke up with the sun and played music... and started creating with legos.
3 - Being in the kitchen with most of the people I love... it was a complete success and the first time the husband and I have been "in charge" of pulling off such a feast. I have to admit, it was quite tasty... and I didn't burn one thing! The turkey was perfect and now we all know that my husband can cook a bird to perfection. I feel like I got to use all of my housewife skills. Originally we set a goal of 2:30 for dinner..... we started gathering around the table at 2:26. BOOM!
2 - Running my errands the day before...completing them all before 10 AM - I had: Christmas presents, 4 pies and 2 freshly groomed dogs (one small.... one large and tubby) in my car... Pies and presents in the front seat.... dogs in the back each looking out of a window. I was feeling like a totally efficient adult. I was basking in my success with my sunglasses on and fully dressed even on my day off at 10 am. I turned the car off, pulled the key out.. and Pete (little one) jumped into the front seat on top of a pie. smoosh. Eh.... I decided I had better things to do than freak out about it. It was covered. Not pretty, but covered. The good news: I laughed and didn't yell.
1 - My mother - who is definitely one of my heroes for so many reasons including this one - looks over to my mother-in-law, the preacher's wife... and also one of my heroes, and asks "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BITCHIN' KITCHEN?"
0 - because I didn't know that I was going to have 7, and adding 0 is the lazier way to add another. My family always goes around the table to say what we're thankful for on Thanksgiving - and my MIL just about made us all cry when she said she is thankful for me and also for our marriage - because I bring so much happiness to JD. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to know that it's easily recognized by his parents how happy we are together... and how happy he is.
-1 - I'm sorry! I'll be done after this one. Obviously I'm really great at planning...
My cousin (Garage Sale Julie) and her little ones came over - one of them is my actual God-child - though they're both dear to my heart. Jack (2) walked in and said "GOBBLE GOBBLE". I can't express to you how adorable this was - but it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Then we (Jack + Addie) had a moment to browse the toy catalogs... and I no longer have to worry about what to get them for Christmas.
Thanksgiving was dreamy. It was just enough chaos and just enough relaxing... it was amazing food and even more amazing family time. I didn't have to miss my parents or my in-laws... we were all here. Luke is home. My dogs have been clean for over 24 hours now and don't yet smell like their muddy backyard. Things feel pretty perfect :)
I don't feel all that eloquent tonight... in fact, I haven't been able to post because I've been having trouble writing lately... but I had to share these. Excuse the poor writing skills.... and if you see my typical writing skills which are just a little better than these, send them home.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I don't play the piano.
Three years ago I had jaw surgery. Yes, that's right, I had jaw surgery a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving (it was the only time I could do it....it was complete torture). With that being said, I was incredibly drugged up and still not quite used to staying awake for full days when Thanksgiving dinner with the family came around. Saying it was "jaw surgery" makes it sound wayyy more simple than it actually was, but I'm not going to go into all of it because it's quite boring unless you're my dentist or surgeon (I hope they're both enjoying their boats!).
I wasn't even engaged to JD yet - and I was still news to his family. He has a really, really sweet family - and I love them to pieces, but back then I was still trying to impress them and show them that I was (am) a keeper. It was still the awkward part of a relationship as far as hanging out with the family went...they had only known I existed for about two months.. and here I am post surgery, drugged up and sitting at their dinner table not eating. Loads of fun for everyone involved.
Before I knew it - this is all extremely blurry to me - my future mother-in-law fills an awkward silence with "oh, Melanie plays the piano AND the organ!"
I, unable to really react in decent time, finally realize what she has said and give my not-yet-husband a look with my eyeballs practically falling out of my face that says "I DO NO SUCH THINGS"... he is, in return, giving me the exact same expression. Luke is sitting in between us. The conversation has all ready moved onto something else. His Aunt Linda has acknowledged that "Melanie plays the piano AND the organ"... the moment to correct them has passed. Besides, I'm drugged up... so I'm sitting there worried that I may have TOLD HER that I play the piano AND THE ORGAN... but I couldn't recall.
I think I had 4 naps that day... and it just didn't come up again. I figured it would go away and I wouldn't have to address the fact that I do not play the piano. Or the organ.
Then Christmas came around.
My boyfriend's mom, who thinks I can play, regularly plays at church and is incredibly talented, asks me to play while we're decorating the Christmas tree. I don't really remember what I did to get out of it, but she just concluded (out loud) that I was just being modest.
Easter comes. Same thing.
Eventually she asks more frequently.
We get married.
We have a year anniversary... all the while, this is going on. "Oh, Melanie, why don't you play something? I have music right here!", "you must be so talented you just don't want to show off"... inside my head. exploding.
By now, I've told my mom what's going on. She thinks it's hilarious, but I was really worried about explaining to my Mother-in-law that I didn't know where she came up with that... but I am not a fellow piano player. I was embarrassed that I had let it go on this long. But if you know my mother-in-law, you know that she is so sweet and so gentle... and the last person on earth you would want to disappoint. I guess I also came into this family worried about disappointing them (eh, insecurities... sillyness) which made it even harder to face. Mom and I had several discussions on how I could make this go away - but her advice was always to just tell the truth.
I called my Aunt Diana - who plays and has taught the piano - to ask her how long it would take her to teach me a song... a good song that seemed complicated enough for a pro to play - but easy enough for an amateur. She laughed. It was a short conversation.
It made me feel guilty.. but also, anytime his mom mentioned it - JD looked at me with this expression that I cannot even describe. He wanted to laugh.. and I wanted him to instigate this moment of truth confession extravaganza. He never did either.
Finally, this year (I KNOW... almost three years later) we were sitting down at Mimi's Cafe having brunch - and the subject comes up. Again.
I look at my husband. I knew it was time.
I took a deep breath.
It all came spilling out... the whole thing. I was almost in tears - which I'm sure seems ridiculous. My Father-in-law was the first to laugh (thank goodness) and eventually we all laughed. She revisits all the moments I've turned down playing the piano for her.. and it all comes together. She doesn't know when she got the idea that I had such talents... but she really believed that I told her.. and maybe I did.. on one very blurry, post-op day.
I wasn't even engaged to JD yet - and I was still news to his family. He has a really, really sweet family - and I love them to pieces, but back then I was still trying to impress them and show them that I was (am) a keeper. It was still the awkward part of a relationship as far as hanging out with the family went...they had only known I existed for about two months.. and here I am post surgery, drugged up and sitting at their dinner table not eating. Loads of fun for everyone involved.
Before I knew it - this is all extremely blurry to me - my future mother-in-law fills an awkward silence with "oh, Melanie plays the piano AND the organ!"
I, unable to really react in decent time, finally realize what she has said and give my not-yet-husband a look with my eyeballs practically falling out of my face that says "I DO NO SUCH THINGS"... he is, in return, giving me the exact same expression. Luke is sitting in between us. The conversation has all ready moved onto something else. His Aunt Linda has acknowledged that "Melanie plays the piano AND the organ"... the moment to correct them has passed. Besides, I'm drugged up... so I'm sitting there worried that I may have TOLD HER that I play the piano AND THE ORGAN... but I couldn't recall.
I think I had 4 naps that day... and it just didn't come up again. I figured it would go away and I wouldn't have to address the fact that I do not play the piano. Or the organ.
Then Christmas came around.
My boyfriend's mom, who thinks I can play, regularly plays at church and is incredibly talented, asks me to play while we're decorating the Christmas tree. I don't really remember what I did to get out of it, but she just concluded (out loud) that I was just being modest.
Easter comes. Same thing.
Eventually she asks more frequently.
We get married.
We have a year anniversary... all the while, this is going on. "Oh, Melanie, why don't you play something? I have music right here!", "you must be so talented you just don't want to show off"... inside my head. exploding.
By now, I've told my mom what's going on. She thinks it's hilarious, but I was really worried about explaining to my Mother-in-law that I didn't know where she came up with that... but I am not a fellow piano player. I was embarrassed that I had let it go on this long. But if you know my mother-in-law, you know that she is so sweet and so gentle... and the last person on earth you would want to disappoint. I guess I also came into this family worried about disappointing them (eh, insecurities... sillyness) which made it even harder to face. Mom and I had several discussions on how I could make this go away - but her advice was always to just tell the truth.
I called my Aunt Diana - who plays and has taught the piano - to ask her how long it would take her to teach me a song... a good song that seemed complicated enough for a pro to play - but easy enough for an amateur. She laughed. It was a short conversation.
It made me feel guilty.. but also, anytime his mom mentioned it - JD looked at me with this expression that I cannot even describe. He wanted to laugh.. and I wanted him to instigate this moment of truth confession extravaganza. He never did either.
Finally, this year (I KNOW... almost three years later) we were sitting down at Mimi's Cafe having brunch - and the subject comes up. Again.
I look at my husband. I knew it was time.
I took a deep breath.
It all came spilling out... the whole thing. I was almost in tears - which I'm sure seems ridiculous. My Father-in-law was the first to laugh (thank goodness) and eventually we all laughed. She revisits all the moments I've turned down playing the piano for her.. and it all comes together. She doesn't know when she got the idea that I had such talents... but she really believed that I told her.. and maybe I did.. on one very blurry, post-op day.
Friday, November 4, 2011
I'm sorry, I can't - I have to wash my hair.
I'm officially lame.
and I completely expect to get judged for this, but that's okay - I'm asking for it, right?
The husband and I got asked to go to dinner and a movie tonight. by friends that we haven't seen in a while. a long while....
it was sort of short notice.
We're not short notice kind of people (anymore).
Instead I (kindly) replied that we have a date.... at the grocery store... Looking back, I probably should have just left it at "we have a date".
I get how terrible that sounds, but in my defense, we really do love going to the grocery store together. And we're sooo out of all the things that make our tummies happy.
After I replied and felt like an ass (I mean, I may as well have said "I have to wash my hair"... which I really should do soon), I realized that she must think we're such losers now...
These are friends that we used to go out with and stay up until the wee hours of the morning dancing and drinking and laughing and being silly with.
Oops.
Off to Kroger!!
and I completely expect to get judged for this, but that's okay - I'm asking for it, right?
The husband and I got asked to go to dinner and a movie tonight. by friends that we haven't seen in a while. a long while....
it was sort of short notice.
We're not short notice kind of people (anymore).
Instead I (kindly) replied that we have a date.... at the grocery store... Looking back, I probably should have just left it at "we have a date".
I get how terrible that sounds, but in my defense, we really do love going to the grocery store together. And we're sooo out of all the things that make our tummies happy.
After I replied and felt like an ass (I mean, I may as well have said "I have to wash my hair"... which I really should do soon), I realized that she must think we're such losers now...
These are friends that we used to go out with and stay up until the wee hours of the morning dancing and drinking and laughing and being silly with.
Oops.
Off to Kroger!!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The (travel) Hangover.
Visiting the town I grew up in is always a little strange.
For one, the place always looks EXACTLY the same to me - even though I know there have to be changes... somewhere. It takes me a few days, typically, after a visit to East Texas to recuperate. It's not that I don't like being there, it's that it's emotionally draining - especially when my husband doesn't go with me.
The truth is: I have a lot that I left there that I don't have to face or think about. Until I'm there. Alone.
I went to the track (the high school track... well, the high school, middle school and elementary track... because the school I went to was that small) on Saturday to run a bit - I don't think I had been there since I graduated. And since I spent my senior year of high school avoiding the place altogether, it had probably been longer than that. I'm sure I'm not the only person who gets an eerie feeling being back there: for going to such a teeny school, I lost a lot of friends (in a school of this particular size, your friends with almost everyone... or you at least know everyone and pass them on a daily basis). When I say "lost friends", what I mean is: we all attended many funerals. We all = the people who had to deal with the same thing.
So, while running on the track, thoughts of these people.... these friends seemed to follow closely.
I know nostalgia can be an ugly thing... it's not that I think I'm the only person who left heartbreak, failed relationships (and friendships), my previous self, and headstones that I can't ever go look at - it's that I really don't think about any of this... (on purpose) - it hit me a little hard this time. I rarely go out of town without the husband... so this type of travel hangover isn't usually so bad. I think I'm just now over it this afternoon... I've been back since early Sunday.
I'm used to driving with my parents' house in my rear view and tears in my eyes... it still hurts, but I prepare myself for it. I wasn't prepared this time for the rest of it.
A certain guilt comes with living away from my family. We're a close family - so seeing them once a month (most of the time... sometimes more, sometimes less) is difficult. I see my brother even less than that... which I hate. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I absolutely love Little Rock (believe it or not!), but it's never going to be easy to be away from them. I am always having to remind myself that they're not THAT far away... too far to have lunch with any given day... too far to go to my niece's dance recital at a moments notice... but not too far for a weekend visit.
Here's the thing: I don't see myself living there. Maybe, big fat maybe, back in DFW someday... but..I don't know.
I get panicky when I think about having kids and being away from all of them... but I have to remember: five years ago I had no idea I would be here... and I don't exactly know where I'll be five years from now. It's the comfort I have when this sort of panic comes up. I've never taken such comfort in the unknown.
I guess it's been kind of an exhausting three days - trying to digest the emotions... but I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
PS - this is not to say that my visit with my family and friends while I was in town wasn't great - because it was. I loved every second of spending time with them. Disclaimer complete.
For one, the place always looks EXACTLY the same to me - even though I know there have to be changes... somewhere. It takes me a few days, typically, after a visit to East Texas to recuperate. It's not that I don't like being there, it's that it's emotionally draining - especially when my husband doesn't go with me.
The truth is: I have a lot that I left there that I don't have to face or think about. Until I'm there. Alone.
I went to the track (the high school track... well, the high school, middle school and elementary track... because the school I went to was that small) on Saturday to run a bit - I don't think I had been there since I graduated. And since I spent my senior year of high school avoiding the place altogether, it had probably been longer than that. I'm sure I'm not the only person who gets an eerie feeling being back there: for going to such a teeny school, I lost a lot of friends (in a school of this particular size, your friends with almost everyone... or you at least know everyone and pass them on a daily basis). When I say "lost friends", what I mean is: we all attended many funerals. We all = the people who had to deal with the same thing.
So, while running on the track, thoughts of these people.... these friends seemed to follow closely.
I know nostalgia can be an ugly thing... it's not that I think I'm the only person who left heartbreak, failed relationships (and friendships), my previous self, and headstones that I can't ever go look at - it's that I really don't think about any of this... (on purpose) - it hit me a little hard this time. I rarely go out of town without the husband... so this type of travel hangover isn't usually so bad. I think I'm just now over it this afternoon... I've been back since early Sunday.
I'm used to driving with my parents' house in my rear view and tears in my eyes... it still hurts, but I prepare myself for it. I wasn't prepared this time for the rest of it.
A certain guilt comes with living away from my family. We're a close family - so seeing them once a month (most of the time... sometimes more, sometimes less) is difficult. I see my brother even less than that... which I hate. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I absolutely love Little Rock (believe it or not!), but it's never going to be easy to be away from them. I am always having to remind myself that they're not THAT far away... too far to have lunch with any given day... too far to go to my niece's dance recital at a moments notice... but not too far for a weekend visit.
Here's the thing: I don't see myself living there. Maybe, big fat maybe, back in DFW someday... but..I don't know.
I get panicky when I think about having kids and being away from all of them... but I have to remember: five years ago I had no idea I would be here... and I don't exactly know where I'll be five years from now. It's the comfort I have when this sort of panic comes up. I've never taken such comfort in the unknown.
I guess it's been kind of an exhausting three days - trying to digest the emotions... but I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
PS - this is not to say that my visit with my family and friends while I was in town wasn't great - because it was. I loved every second of spending time with them. Disclaimer complete.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
This house is home.
The husband and I have lived in our home for a year now. We closed on September 16, 2010 (last year for my birthday: I GOT A HOUSE... hard to beat that!)... we took a little over a month to make some changes to it: have it painted (I can only live in a crayon box), changed out the fixtures, had the carpets cleaned... had the WHOLE THING cleaned... it took longer than we thought it would- but we were also extremely anxious to move out of the thimble we were living in at the time (not that there is anything wrong with thimbles, it's just that we were bursting out the seams... between the two of us, Luke, the dog *only one at the time!* and the cat... we seemed to be pretty squished - the cat needs an entire room to her self AT ALL TIMES). Not to get all mushy, but (I'm gonna) it seems so surreal to me now that we've been here. For a year. Making this house ours... making it home. I feel like we've lived here forever (in a good way). We still have work to do on it... but I wouldn't trade it. I painted the front door just a few weeks ago - so that the neighbors can tell from the outside that it's a crayon box!
We've had parties here and holidays and visitors and quiet nights... we love this house.
Everything has happened faster for us than we ever imagined it would. I may have mentioned it before... but when we met - I KNEW I had to be with JD. I knew I was going to marry him and love him and share a life with him... but I had no idea how it would happen... or when...Things were complicated.
SO that makes living in our own home for a whole year a really. big. deal.
We laughed the other day remembering my first time to hang out with my parents and JD at the same time: it was my birthday in Denton (where I went to school) - JD and I had been dating for months, but my parents had just found out he existed. Mom and Dad came to take me shopping for my birthday. Guess what I wanted for my birthday? A MATTRESS. How awkward is that? I went MATTRESS SHOPPING with my parents and my boyfriend of ... a little while... that they just met.
side note: it wasn't like me to keep things from my parents (still isn't...) so that made the situation even stranger... typically they knew every move I made - I've never been that secretive with them.
Later on JD told me that every time he was about to talk during that shopping extravaganza, he remembered to just not. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't be weird.... but I remember walking with mom through the store... looking over at my dad and my boyfriend testing the same mattress. Dad always looks calm and collected... JD usually does - but he looked so uncomfortable that day. Hilarious. We all tried so hard to keep straight faces that day - but I think all of us wanted to laugh. Not just a little: I mean the kind of uncontrollable laugh that may release a snort.
That was three years ago. It seems so long ago now. At the time, I had no idea that we would all be where we are today. Isn't life funny?
Back to the house: a few of my favorite photos from around the house this first year (in no particular order) -
Bella hamming it up for the camera.
Christmas night... just got done playing Santa. All ready for Luke to come down stairs.
Luke and Fallon loving on the new addition to the family: Shep.
with my sweet mother-in-law, Loretta, on JD's birthday.
me, Mario and my momma - Halloween :)
The Pete.
Synchronized sleeping. Post sugar rush at Luke's birthday party.
I understand how cheesy this photo is - but I still love it. Christmas Eve... a little bit of wine... done playing Santa... <3 We're kind of cheesy, anyway.. you'll get over it.
All set up for Couch Amanda's birthday party. I was impressed with the way JD decided to hang the balloons :)
Okay. Done gushing about all of this. For now.
We've had parties here and holidays and visitors and quiet nights... we love this house.
Everything has happened faster for us than we ever imagined it would. I may have mentioned it before... but when we met - I KNEW I had to be with JD. I knew I was going to marry him and love him and share a life with him... but I had no idea how it would happen... or when...Things were complicated.
SO that makes living in our own home for a whole year a really. big. deal.
We laughed the other day remembering my first time to hang out with my parents and JD at the same time: it was my birthday in Denton (where I went to school) - JD and I had been dating for months, but my parents had just found out he existed. Mom and Dad came to take me shopping for my birthday. Guess what I wanted for my birthday? A MATTRESS. How awkward is that? I went MATTRESS SHOPPING with my parents and my boyfriend of ... a little while... that they just met.
side note: it wasn't like me to keep things from my parents (still isn't...) so that made the situation even stranger... typically they knew every move I made - I've never been that secretive with them.
Later on JD told me that every time he was about to talk during that shopping extravaganza, he remembered to just not. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't be weird.... but I remember walking with mom through the store... looking over at my dad and my boyfriend testing the same mattress. Dad always looks calm and collected... JD usually does - but he looked so uncomfortable that day. Hilarious. We all tried so hard to keep straight faces that day - but I think all of us wanted to laugh. Not just a little: I mean the kind of uncontrollable laugh that may release a snort.
That was three years ago. It seems so long ago now. At the time, I had no idea that we would all be where we are today. Isn't life funny?
Back to the house: a few of my favorite photos from around the house this first year (in no particular order) -
Bella hamming it up for the camera.
Christmas night... just got done playing Santa. All ready for Luke to come down stairs.
Luke and Fallon loving on the new addition to the family: Shep.
with my sweet mother-in-law, Loretta, on JD's birthday.
me, Mario and my momma - Halloween :)
The Pete.
Synchronized sleeping. Post sugar rush at Luke's birthday party.
I understand how cheesy this photo is - but I still love it. Christmas Eve... a little bit of wine... done playing Santa... <3 We're kind of cheesy, anyway.. you'll get over it.
All set up for Couch Amanda's birthday party. I was impressed with the way JD decided to hang the balloons :)
Okay. Done gushing about all of this. For now.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Feel the burn.
It's not a secret that I'm trying to lose weight...
In fact, I feel like I'm being pretty annoying to the people who have to be around me all day (work folks.. the husband... Couch Amanda) because I'm slightly obsessed.... I almost have to be to make this work. Counting calories... working out... food journal... exercise journal... I've quit allowing myself to weigh except for once a week (Thursday is dooms day!)...I need some new conversation material, I'm aware.
Tonight Couch Amanda came over and we were going to do Jillian Micheals Yoga Meltdown DVD: keyword being MELTDOWN.
Unlike a traditional group exercise class, the instructor can't hear us (sorry... that's a given..but I felt the need to include it)... which is good, because Couch Amanda talks. A lot. And I usually laugh at whatever she has to say... then I say something.. she laughs... we crack ourselves up. We are hilarious, trust me.
BUT at one point I felt a little guilty that we weren't paying attention (I attended a REAL class this week... the kind where talking while workout is in session is frowned upon) and C. A. said "Pssssch, she can't hear us" - then she proceeded to flip my TV off.
That's when things started going downhill.
about 10 minutes into this 30 minute DVD, Jillian froze up (in an unfortunate position, I must add) and we decided to give up on her. THEN SHE CAME BACK... C. A. was not very happy about it... she actually groaned and claimed her spot on the couch. I kept going listening to phrases like "you can probably feel the burn" and "slowly lower into chaturanga" and "you're doing great!". Jillian Micheals... you do not know that I'm doing great. And I officially hate the word "chaturanga".
Tomorrow: a trip to the gym without Jillian Micheals.
See.. I can't seem to talk about anything else. Eh...
In fact, I feel like I'm being pretty annoying to the people who have to be around me all day (work folks.. the husband... Couch Amanda) because I'm slightly obsessed.... I almost have to be to make this work. Counting calories... working out... food journal... exercise journal... I've quit allowing myself to weigh except for once a week (Thursday is dooms day!)...I need some new conversation material, I'm aware.
Tonight Couch Amanda came over and we were going to do Jillian Micheals Yoga Meltdown DVD: keyword being MELTDOWN.
Unlike a traditional group exercise class, the instructor can't hear us (sorry... that's a given..but I felt the need to include it)... which is good, because Couch Amanda talks. A lot. And I usually laugh at whatever she has to say... then I say something.. she laughs... we crack ourselves up. We are hilarious, trust me.
That's when things started going downhill.
about 10 minutes into this 30 minute DVD, Jillian froze up (in an unfortunate position, I must add) and we decided to give up on her. THEN SHE CAME BACK... C. A. was not very happy about it... she actually groaned and claimed her spot on the couch. I kept going listening to phrases like "you can probably feel the burn" and "slowly lower into chaturanga" and "you're doing great!". Jillian Micheals... you do not know that I'm doing great. And I officially hate the word "chaturanga".
Tomorrow: a trip to the gym without Jillian Micheals.
See.. I can't seem to talk about anything else. Eh...
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Now, I get it.
There are certain things that, as a kid, I definitely did not have right about being an adult (I was just a kid... duh). Some of them good... some of them negative...some of them don't really matter at all....
Things I thought would rock as an adult: Not being in school, my hair, getting paid (don't worry, I'll elaborate), my wardrobe - without fail I knew my wardrobe would be amazing... why wouldn't it be?, my car (which I LOVE my car... but I'll elaborate). my friendships - relax, I said I would elaborate.
Things I never thought I would like about being an adult - or never expected to like: waking up before the sun, making dinner, grocery shopping, WEEKENDS... weekends are GOLD, being a homebody.
Let's explore these, shall we?
Not being in school: Don't get me wrong... I don't actually miss school... I miss the overlooked vacation time that came with it. Let me get this straight: You mean while I'm going to school for maybe 4 - 6 hours a day... with a giant nap in between classes... I get all those weeks off during the summer, a month during Christmas... and at least a 3 day weekend for any other teeny tiny reason to celebrate? But while I'm slaving with the people, I have to use my PTO to get that?... and it's not anywhere close to being that much time off? STUDENTS DO NOT NEED TIME OFF. WORKER SLAVES NEED TIME OFF. Students study all day - and I've been there, I know - that studying can consist of several naps, coffee runs, snack fests and episodes of "Snapped". WHAT.EVER. Being in school and absorbing information is not nearly as draining as a work week. I'm glad we've covered this.
My hair: I don't have a logical explanation for this one - just that I thought my hair would be way more awesome than it actually is.
Getting paid: I love getting paid - but you know what? I don't like sharing 75% of my check with the people... whoever the people are. Taxes aren't something that pisses you off so completely until you're in the workforce for a few years (I've found...) Then... we bought a house and it made me even angrier... and.. where I work, many of the residents get government assistance while they sit in their apartments with their 4 kids they don't take care of smoking pot all day and not working... but they get MY money? Not cool. I'm so glad I can work to support those lazy individuals. Think of all the shoes that money could buy....but instead it's buying weed. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that there are some people who get government assistance and use it and are contributing members of society (I've yet to meet any of them, but I'm sure they exist) - but for the rest of them... you make me sick. I guess it's just frustrating to see what my check would be if it weren't for taxes. Can't they just keep me from seeing it? that would help, I think.
My wardrobe: see "getting paid".
My car: I love the Jetta. We've had a few really great years together. The only problem is... well, my depth perception. Last year some time I managed to hit one of those cement platforms that gas stations have... making my passenger back door very difficult to open and close.. THEN a few months after that, someone parked a golf cart behind my car... in the dark... while it was raining... and I hit that (although, not completely my fault....) - and here we are... about a year later.... it's not been fixed. You know why? It's just not a priority.... Once, when I was in high school, I backed into a friend's truck (I'm sure you're seeing a pattern... I only hit idle objects) and the next week my Dad had my car fixed... which, looking back, must have been difficult for him to do - it was MY fault! my expensive fault.... but I thought that's how it worked! It FELT like a priority when I was 16. It does not feel like a priority now...
My friendships: I grew up in a small town and, for the most part, had the same friends for most of my life. We went to the same school... our parents knew each other... if we had a tiff, it was either resolved quickly or swept under the rug (because going to a small school, if you weren't going to keep your friends, you probably weren't going to have any friends). I'll say this about those friendships: they felt equal... it felt like they would do for me whatever I would do for them - this could have been a delusion, but whatever. As an adult I seem to attract one way friendships... and I'm done with them. I have a few friends that I KNOW are there for me... and would be happy to give back to me what I can give - but not all of them... it's a frustrating realization, but I consider myself rich in those few friendships that I have.
Onto the things I didn't expect to enjoy, but DO!
Waking up early: I can get my workout in... eat breakfast.. maybe even do some laundry... all before I go to work. It's not always easy, but it puts me in a great mood and helps me stay productive throughout the day. To anyone who lived in my dorm hall - this would be SHOCKING.
Making dinner: My mom always made dinner. I always sort of dreaded that part of being an adult, but I've come to really enjoy cooking... and I love making dinner for my husband. And Couch Amanda.
Grocery shopping: it's kind of like a really expensive date for us! We really do like grocery shopping... I don't know why.. but we're those annoying people who hug in the soup aisle. It's sweet, you know it.
Weekends: In high school and even college weekends were not a huge deal... mainly because school is not as draining as working (we've been here before, remember?). I live for weekends. And a three day weekend... oh my gosh... drool.
Being a homebody: My parents always wanted to stay home... but they weren't necessarily doing anything... I GET IT. They were relaxing... they were hanging out (an important part of marriage... yes), they were not doing anything: and LOVED it. It always bugged me. Why weren't they out shopping with allll that money they made working all week? Why weren't they taking trips? Ohhhh, silly and naive Melanie - they were HAPPY. I love a good weekend of not doing anything. They're not as often as I would like... but they're priceless.
Okay... this turned out to be a lot longer than I meant for it to be. I'm not going to apologize, though ;)
PS - I don't really like a blog without photos - but for some reason my uploader thingy (technical term) is not cooperating. Stupid Internets.
Things I thought would rock as an adult: Not being in school, my hair, getting paid (don't worry, I'll elaborate), my wardrobe - without fail I knew my wardrobe would be amazing... why wouldn't it be?, my car (which I LOVE my car... but I'll elaborate). my friendships - relax, I said I would elaborate.
Things I never thought I would like about being an adult - or never expected to like: waking up before the sun, making dinner, grocery shopping, WEEKENDS... weekends are GOLD, being a homebody.
Let's explore these, shall we?
Not being in school: Don't get me wrong... I don't actually miss school... I miss the overlooked vacation time that came with it. Let me get this straight: You mean while I'm going to school for maybe 4 - 6 hours a day... with a giant nap in between classes... I get all those weeks off during the summer, a month during Christmas... and at least a 3 day weekend for any other teeny tiny reason to celebrate? But while I'm slaving with the people, I have to use my PTO to get that?... and it's not anywhere close to being that much time off? STUDENTS DO NOT NEED TIME OFF. WORKER SLAVES NEED TIME OFF. Students study all day - and I've been there, I know - that studying can consist of several naps, coffee runs, snack fests and episodes of "Snapped". WHAT.EVER. Being in school and absorbing information is not nearly as draining as a work week. I'm glad we've covered this.
My hair: I don't have a logical explanation for this one - just that I thought my hair would be way more awesome than it actually is.
Getting paid: I love getting paid - but you know what? I don't like sharing 75% of my check with the people... whoever the people are. Taxes aren't something that pisses you off so completely until you're in the workforce for a few years (I've found...) Then... we bought a house and it made me even angrier... and.. where I work, many of the residents get government assistance while they sit in their apartments with their 4 kids they don't take care of smoking pot all day and not working... but they get MY money? Not cool. I'm so glad I can work to support those lazy individuals. Think of all the shoes that money could buy....but instead it's buying weed. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that there are some people who get government assistance and use it and are contributing members of society (I've yet to meet any of them, but I'm sure they exist) - but for the rest of them... you make me sick. I guess it's just frustrating to see what my check would be if it weren't for taxes. Can't they just keep me from seeing it? that would help, I think.
My wardrobe: see "getting paid".
My car: I love the Jetta. We've had a few really great years together. The only problem is... well, my depth perception. Last year some time I managed to hit one of those cement platforms that gas stations have... making my passenger back door very difficult to open and close.. THEN a few months after that, someone parked a golf cart behind my car... in the dark... while it was raining... and I hit that (although, not completely my fault....) - and here we are... about a year later.... it's not been fixed. You know why? It's just not a priority.... Once, when I was in high school, I backed into a friend's truck (I'm sure you're seeing a pattern... I only hit idle objects) and the next week my Dad had my car fixed... which, looking back, must have been difficult for him to do - it was MY fault! my expensive fault.... but I thought that's how it worked! It FELT like a priority when I was 16. It does not feel like a priority now...
My friendships: I grew up in a small town and, for the most part, had the same friends for most of my life. We went to the same school... our parents knew each other... if we had a tiff, it was either resolved quickly or swept under the rug (because going to a small school, if you weren't going to keep your friends, you probably weren't going to have any friends). I'll say this about those friendships: they felt equal... it felt like they would do for me whatever I would do for them - this could have been a delusion, but whatever. As an adult I seem to attract one way friendships... and I'm done with them. I have a few friends that I KNOW are there for me... and would be happy to give back to me what I can give - but not all of them... it's a frustrating realization, but I consider myself rich in those few friendships that I have.
Onto the things I didn't expect to enjoy, but DO!
Waking up early: I can get my workout in... eat breakfast.. maybe even do some laundry... all before I go to work. It's not always easy, but it puts me in a great mood and helps me stay productive throughout the day. To anyone who lived in my dorm hall - this would be SHOCKING.
Making dinner: My mom always made dinner. I always sort of dreaded that part of being an adult, but I've come to really enjoy cooking... and I love making dinner for my husband. And Couch Amanda.
Grocery shopping: it's kind of like a really expensive date for us! We really do like grocery shopping... I don't know why.. but we're those annoying people who hug in the soup aisle. It's sweet, you know it.
Weekends: In high school and even college weekends were not a huge deal... mainly because school is not as draining as working (we've been here before, remember?). I live for weekends. And a three day weekend... oh my gosh... drool.
Being a homebody: My parents always wanted to stay home... but they weren't necessarily doing anything... I GET IT. They were relaxing... they were hanging out (an important part of marriage... yes), they were not doing anything: and LOVED it. It always bugged me. Why weren't they out shopping with allll that money they made working all week? Why weren't they taking trips? Ohhhh, silly and naive Melanie - they were HAPPY. I love a good weekend of not doing anything. They're not as often as I would like... but they're priceless.
Okay... this turned out to be a lot longer than I meant for it to be. I'm not going to apologize, though ;)
PS - I don't really like a blog without photos - but for some reason my uploader thingy (technical term) is not cooperating. Stupid Internets.
Monday, October 3, 2011
No tenderloin for you!
I've been eyeballing this beef tenderloin recipe for quite a while now... but it requires something I don't have: bacon grease.
I've been told that this recipe cannot exist without it (by the the pioneer woman... who doesn't love her?!). She is a wittier, less crack-head (younger) version of Paula Dean. Same amount of butter: less annoying voice and basic demeanor.
This is what I'm talking about:
Tonight my husband made cheeseburgers (I only ate ONE part of the bun, don't worry...and no bacon... or mayo... it was a less than exciting burger night for me - but the good news is I stayed under my calorie goal for the day... this is a really long side note) and he cannot have a cheeseburger without bacon: perfect opportunity!
NOT.
When I told him I needed him to keep the grease for me so I can use it later he informed me that he had plans for the bacon grease.
And you know what he did?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
He poured it on top of Shep's food.
That was his plan.
I suppose this is the husband's way of guaranteeing that when the zombies come, Shep will defend him first.
Shep is sleeping soundly with a full belly and a smile on his little puppy face.
The tenderloin will have to wait.
In other news: I conquered cake pops this weekend for a birthday party, and I'm kind of impressed with me. Just sayin'... Wanna see?
It's a start, right?
I've been told that this recipe cannot exist without it (by the the pioneer woman... who doesn't love her?!). She is a wittier, less crack-head (younger) version of Paula Dean. Same amount of butter: less annoying voice and basic demeanor.
This is what I'm talking about:
Tonight my husband made cheeseburgers (I only ate ONE part of the bun, don't worry...and no bacon... or mayo... it was a less than exciting burger night for me - but the good news is I stayed under my calorie goal for the day... this is a really long side note) and he cannot have a cheeseburger without bacon: perfect opportunity!
NOT.
When I told him I needed him to keep the grease for me so I can use it later he informed me that he had plans for the bacon grease.
And you know what he did?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
He poured it on top of Shep's food.
That was his plan.
I suppose this is the husband's way of guaranteeing that when the zombies come, Shep will defend him first.
Shep is sleeping soundly with a full belly and a smile on his little puppy face.
The tenderloin will have to wait.
In other news: I conquered cake pops this weekend for a birthday party, and I'm kind of impressed with me. Just sayin'... Wanna see?
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The other members of our family.
Our dogs are part of the family. And WE know they're awesome and full of their own GIANT personalities....
Why can't they be as awesome when other people are here?!!
I mean, our boys are fun and lovable and precious and even have a sarcastic dynamic to them (okay... maybe I made that part up, but they each definitely have a sense of humor).
When we have company (which is anyone except for Couch Amanda) I feel like we spend a whole lot of time explaining how cool our dogs are... when no one is looking.
Example:
Garage Sale Julie came over yesterday - and in tow she had the two most adorable children on the planet (hers...). Addie is 4 and Jack is 2 (ohhh Jack is SO 2!... poooooor Garage Sale Julie). Anyway - the tots wanted to see the puppies... so, naturally, I cringe a little on the inside because I know the dogs are going to react to our visit outside as if they've never been around humans. It's ridiculous.
I basically had to SIT on Shep (... 65 lbs, or so... gaining every day because he eats his food and Pete's food... and refuses to run with me - a whole different story... He will go about a block, and then he will sit and WILL NOT move... ). I had to SIT on Shep to keep him from plowing over the little ones. And we know he just thinks he is a small dog - he doesn't want to hurt anyone - he just gets SO. HAPPY. He can't even contain himself.... He always looks like a cartoon trying to move (it takes him a while) - his feet move quickly but he doesn't actually make any ground for 3 seconds or so.
I spent the entire time trying to let GSJ know that my dogs are REALLY COOL.... she just won't ever experience the level of coolness that we do.
Pete is just as spastic - but he is only about 12 lbs, so it doesn't quite have the same effect (he thinks it does). Pete loves kids... I think it must be because they're more his size. He can eventually calm down and hang out - but kids don't generally go for all the licking that Pete MUST do. I guess it's his way of shaking hands.
Both of them can manage to chill and bask in their awesomeness - but you're going to have to just trust me on that.
Shep is our rescue dog - we have only had him since May. He spent a long time (poor baby) in a shelter and craves constant attention. We knew going into this that he was going to need this and thus it's going to take a while for him to calm down... that's okay. He knows we love him. He is a Australian Shepard and Rottweiler mix - so he is really strong and so, so sweet. Shep is most definitely the husband's dog. He gets happy to see me - but when he sees JD he runs to him as fast as he can. When we first got him it was 10000 degrees outside every day and we would leave him in... that didn't last long.
Here is a list of things Shep has eaten. Not chewed up. Eaten:
My Sonicare toothbrush (grrrrr)
A bolt to the grill
The grill brush
a plastic bucket
my hot rollers
He has deemed himself an outside dog. It's okay, though - he has a really nice dog-house, plenty of water and he likes to spend time under the deck (as well as chasing squirrels - no squirrel is safe!).
Pete was given to me by JD when we were dating. I was living in DFW and JD was in LR - I was on the road a whole lot (and so was he) - so Pete was given to me to keep me company. My Pete Cardog. I raised him from being just a little potato with legs... he is definitely my dog. Anytime JD tells him to go outside, Pete will just look at me like "Mom, is he telling the truth?". It annoys the husband - but for a long time it was just Pete and me....so it's what he knows. He sleeps under my side of the bed, and as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning - Pete is there! It's kind of precious.
I suppose I felt the need to go on and on about our puppies because two of my aunts lost their own puppies this week - both really, really tragically and totally unexpected. I just wanted to show my puppies some blog love. I hugged them extra tonight, too. Our lives would not be nearly as interesting without them.
Why can't they be as awesome when other people are here?!!
I mean, our boys are fun and lovable and precious and even have a sarcastic dynamic to them (okay... maybe I made that part up, but they each definitely have a sense of humor).
When we have company (which is anyone except for Couch Amanda) I feel like we spend a whole lot of time explaining how cool our dogs are... when no one is looking.
Example:
Garage Sale Julie came over yesterday - and in tow she had the two most adorable children on the planet (hers...). Addie is 4 and Jack is 2 (ohhh Jack is SO 2!... poooooor Garage Sale Julie). Anyway - the tots wanted to see the puppies... so, naturally, I cringe a little on the inside because I know the dogs are going to react to our visit outside as if they've never been around humans. It's ridiculous.
I basically had to SIT on Shep (... 65 lbs, or so... gaining every day because he eats his food and Pete's food... and refuses to run with me - a whole different story... He will go about a block, and then he will sit and WILL NOT move... ). I had to SIT on Shep to keep him from plowing over the little ones. And we know he just thinks he is a small dog - he doesn't want to hurt anyone - he just gets SO. HAPPY. He can't even contain himself.... He always looks like a cartoon trying to move (it takes him a while) - his feet move quickly but he doesn't actually make any ground for 3 seconds or so.
I spent the entire time trying to let GSJ know that my dogs are REALLY COOL.... she just won't ever experience the level of coolness that we do.
Pete is just as spastic - but he is only about 12 lbs, so it doesn't quite have the same effect (he thinks it does). Pete loves kids... I think it must be because they're more his size. He can eventually calm down and hang out - but kids don't generally go for all the licking that Pete MUST do. I guess it's his way of shaking hands.
Shep is our rescue dog - we have only had him since May. He spent a long time (poor baby) in a shelter and craves constant attention. We knew going into this that he was going to need this and thus it's going to take a while for him to calm down... that's okay. He knows we love him. He is a Australian Shepard and Rottweiler mix - so he is really strong and so, so sweet. Shep is most definitely the husband's dog. He gets happy to see me - but when he sees JD he runs to him as fast as he can. When we first got him it was 10000 degrees outside every day and we would leave him in... that didn't last long.
Here is a list of things Shep has eaten. Not chewed up. Eaten:
My Sonicare toothbrush (grrrrr)
A bolt to the grill
The grill brush
a plastic bucket
my hot rollers
He has deemed himself an outside dog. It's okay, though - he has a really nice dog-house, plenty of water and he likes to spend time under the deck (as well as chasing squirrels - no squirrel is safe!).
Pete was given to me by JD when we were dating. I was living in DFW and JD was in LR - I was on the road a whole lot (and so was he) - so Pete was given to me to keep me company. My Pete Cardog. I raised him from being just a little potato with legs... he is definitely my dog. Anytime JD tells him to go outside, Pete will just look at me like "Mom, is he telling the truth?". It annoys the husband - but for a long time it was just Pete and me....so it's what he knows. He sleeps under my side of the bed, and as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning - Pete is there! It's kind of precious.
I suppose I felt the need to go on and on about our puppies because two of my aunts lost their own puppies this week - both really, really tragically and totally unexpected. I just wanted to show my puppies some blog love. I hugged them extra tonight, too. Our lives would not be nearly as interesting without them.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
There is a rule
Now, correct me if I'm wrong...
Isn't there an unspoken rule in the workplace?
A rule about #2....
ISN'T THERE???!
I work for three properties (one of them is a 2fer... two properties, one office) - and in both office there is one bathroom in not so private areas. One of them has the bathroom directly between the managers office and the KITCHEN and the area for residents... the other office has a bathroom located in the back next to the assistant manager and where I'm usually sitting....
When someone breaks this unspoken rule, NO ONE is safe.
It's awful.
GO HOME. do it during lunch. POO ELSEWHERE.
How can this not make complete sense to the rest of the world?
At the 2fer property... our mailman (a very nice, older gentleman - think... Santa Claus but wayyy skinnier.. so not Santa at all, just skinny older man with a white beard) is very friendly. He comes in around 1ish every day... and every day he chats with me about whatever is going on (typically the weather.. because he is a mailman) and after our lengthy chats he goes on to abuse the bathroom... 20 minutes later he'll walk out and wave goodbye as if he didn't just make my lunch come back up.
As for my coworkers... I just don't understand how they can look the rest of us in the eyes after doing something so terrible.
Now, I understand that emergencies come up... but there are public bathrooms right around the corner from our offices for those kind of... sudden happenings.
THERE IS A RULE.
Also... if I don't hear the water run for at least 30 seconds after you flush (because we can allllll hear you flush) I totally judge you.
Isn't there an unspoken rule in the workplace?
A rule about #2....
ISN'T THERE???!
I work for three properties (one of them is a 2fer... two properties, one office) - and in both office there is one bathroom in not so private areas. One of them has the bathroom directly between the managers office and the KITCHEN and the area for residents... the other office has a bathroom located in the back next to the assistant manager and where I'm usually sitting....
When someone breaks this unspoken rule, NO ONE is safe.
It's awful.
GO HOME. do it during lunch. POO ELSEWHERE.
How can this not make complete sense to the rest of the world?
At the 2fer property... our mailman (a very nice, older gentleman - think... Santa Claus but wayyy skinnier.. so not Santa at all, just skinny older man with a white beard) is very friendly. He comes in around 1ish every day... and every day he chats with me about whatever is going on (typically the weather.. because he is a mailman) and after our lengthy chats he goes on to abuse the bathroom... 20 minutes later he'll walk out and wave goodbye as if he didn't just make my lunch come back up.
As for my coworkers... I just don't understand how they can look the rest of us in the eyes after doing something so terrible.
Now, I understand that emergencies come up... but there are public bathrooms right around the corner from our offices for those kind of... sudden happenings.
THERE IS A RULE.
Monday, September 19, 2011
I LOVE LAMP
My childhood was magic.
Each birthday... every Christmas... Easter...Thanksgiving... even Valentine's Day was extra special and there was always something - an excitement - in the air in the Carlile house during these times. I understand how cheesy that may sound, but it's true.
I hope I can make that kind of atmosphere for our children someday.
There was one Christmas... while I was a teenager and Leanna was still pretty young, that my mom had gone back to work (for the first time since I was a little nugget... ) and things maybe weren't going as planned (financially) This is all assumption because I was completely oblivious to whatever their status was - this is all in hindsight... I remember Momma got upset (sad) after Christmas morning because she thought Leanna and I were... underwhelmed with the whole morning experience.
I must have been a terrible brat to make her think that! However, I never remember being disappointed or let down or anything but excited on those mornings - and it wasn't because of what I GOT - it was because of the love and the way my parents made every thing... each event... feel so significant.
Now don't get me wrong, I was 100% spoiled and didn't want for anything growing up, but it breaks my heart to think that I ever made either of my parents think they were doing anything except for surprising Leanna and me. They constantly made even the most normal day seem important... worth it... specific. We were very happy little girls. Today we're very happy big girls.
As an adult I can recognize the care and attention to detail they spent making those memories what they are for me. Gosh... if anything was ever wrong, they totally had me fooled. Fooled isn't the right word: they always showed me the good. In everything. In most people, too. I didn't know any different (CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO THAT....... PLEASE?! ha).
They really did make it seem simple and natural... and EASY. And... maybe it was, for them - but I don't know that it will be for me. I'm going to do my best to give that enchanting element to my kids.
This didn't come out of nowhere :)
I went to East Texas this weekend to visit my parents and sister. We celebrated my birthday and had some fun family time - I even got to see a couple of friends while I was there. It's always so hard to fit everyone I want to see into a little teeny tiny weekend... someone always gets left out... and I always feel bad about it - but I hate to be rushed.
Anyways, I spent the night with my sister in her apartment Friday night - and didn't get to my parents house until Saturday around noon. As soon as I walked in my mom handed me a gift. It was a cookbook. A cookbook that 45 minutes before that I ALMOST bought for myself. My momma reads my mind.
Next I turned to the living room... where Daddy is sitting in his recliner (as expected) and there it is.
The lamp that I had "liked" on Facebook two days before. (a friend back in ETex just opened a super cute store... and she posted a photo of the lamp).
I said "I LOVE YOUR LAMP!"
He turned it around and there was a little sign on it that said "Happy Birthday, Love Daddy"
How sweet is that?
I'm 26 years old and my parents still surprise me in that way.
Each birthday... every Christmas... Easter...Thanksgiving... even Valentine's Day was extra special and there was always something - an excitement - in the air in the Carlile house during these times. I understand how cheesy that may sound, but it's true.
I hope I can make that kind of atmosphere for our children someday.
There was one Christmas... while I was a teenager and Leanna was still pretty young, that my mom had gone back to work (for the first time since I was a little nugget... ) and things maybe weren't going as planned (financially) This is all assumption because I was completely oblivious to whatever their status was - this is all in hindsight... I remember Momma got upset (sad) after Christmas morning because she thought Leanna and I were... underwhelmed with the whole morning experience.
I must have been a terrible brat to make her think that! However, I never remember being disappointed or let down or anything but excited on those mornings - and it wasn't because of what I GOT - it was because of the love and the way my parents made every thing... each event... feel so significant.
Now don't get me wrong, I was 100% spoiled and didn't want for anything growing up, but it breaks my heart to think that I ever made either of my parents think they were doing anything except for surprising Leanna and me. They constantly made even the most normal day seem important... worth it... specific. We were very happy little girls. Today we're very happy big girls.
As an adult I can recognize the care and attention to detail they spent making those memories what they are for me. Gosh... if anything was ever wrong, they totally had me fooled. Fooled isn't the right word: they always showed me the good. In everything. In most people, too. I didn't know any different (CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO THAT....... PLEASE?! ha).
They really did make it seem simple and natural... and EASY. And... maybe it was, for them - but I don't know that it will be for me. I'm going to do my best to give that enchanting element to my kids.
This didn't come out of nowhere :)
I went to East Texas this weekend to visit my parents and sister. We celebrated my birthday and had some fun family time - I even got to see a couple of friends while I was there. It's always so hard to fit everyone I want to see into a little teeny tiny weekend... someone always gets left out... and I always feel bad about it - but I hate to be rushed.
Anyways, I spent the night with my sister in her apartment Friday night - and didn't get to my parents house until Saturday around noon. As soon as I walked in my mom handed me a gift. It was a cookbook. A cookbook that 45 minutes before that I ALMOST bought for myself. My momma reads my mind.
Next I turned to the living room... where Daddy is sitting in his recliner (as expected) and there it is.
I said "I LOVE YOUR LAMP!"
He turned it around and there was a little sign on it that said "Happy Birthday, Love Daddy"
How sweet is that?
I'm 26 years old and my parents still surprise me in that way.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
FALL IS HERE!!
5 Reasons to LOVE this time of year:
5 – It’s September. The weather is changing and I no longer break a sweat just walking from the office to my car. Residents are less cranky and thus, I hear from them less. No AC service requests at work = happy residents = more renewals = MAKES MY JOB EASIER. Hooray!
4 – Let the Christmas shopping begin! As of September 13, my little sister has been Christmas shopped. If we spread it out for a few months… it doesn’t feel so financially terrible AND typically we save money by doing so (lots of sales right now!).
3 – It’s my birthday month. If you know me, you know I’m sort of a birthday brat. I get a whole month. As my husband refers to it, “the 30 days of Melanie” – you can start doing that too, if you want.
2 – CARDIGANS!!! They make me happy. In fact, layering makes me happy. Can’t layer when it’s 115 degrees outside and disgusting. As a kid I loved summer… as an adult I am OVER it. Bugs, heat, sweat, no rain (not to mention.... children EVERYWHERE)…. NO THANK YOU. Fall, how I love thee and your beautiful changing trees!
1 – I want to be more active when it’s this amazing outside. I want to take my puppies to the park and run and lay on a blanket and read (okay, that’s not really “active” but it’s at least more interesting than just sitting inside reading….) and climb Pinnacle Mountain and redecorate the house (for Fall, and then Christmas!) …. For me, September is the beginning of the holiday season. This is THE BEST time of year!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
sleeeeeep - come to me!
Sleeping.
I haven't been doing much of that lately.
I've always been a CHAMPION sleeper. If it were an Olympic sport - I would WIN. Until lately...
I value sleep. Probably more than.... most of my friendships.
Not really! gosh... but, it's really important to me.
The problem isn't obvious (like it so often is...ha). I feeeeeel like a zombie. Caffeine has been necessary - except I'm not all that good at caffeine (usually I avoid it) - so I'm pretty bad with balance, as my friend Couch Amanda put it "Have you ever had so much caffeine that it feels like you have a hole in your head?" Errrr, yes... this week I HAVE!
Last night I was 110% sure I had found a winning (ewww, I can't "say" that without hearing Charlie Sheen... balls) ANYWAYS: Last night I was SO SURE I had found a solution: 2 glasses of wine. I started early. Around 7:30 or so.
Nope.
11:45 - a sleepy pill prescribed by my doctor (not the one with the grumpy receptionist - a different one with a rather cheery receptionist)
Nada.
1:30 - 2 bennadryl
Ugh... I think you get it.
I think I knocked out between 2 and 3.... only to wake up at 3:45.... and again at 5:50.
This is so uncool.
Tried something different tonight - even though I'm sluggish and exhausted and pa-retty cranky, I WORKED OUT.... assisted in dinner making (well, not really... but I did wash my hair and do the dishes.. both require lots of energy), made some S'more cupcakes (to make my husband popular at work) and now I'm blogging... which is obviously hard work. Short version: I've worn myself out. And it's late..... but I think maybe... JUST MAYBE I'll fall asleep and stay asleep until my alarm goes off.
Just like the old days.
You know, two weeks ago...
SWEET DREAMS!!!!
The photo: My sister and me doing some champion sleeping.
** leeeetle disclaimer: if this is gibberish, it must be due to the lack of sleep.
I haven't been doing much of that lately.
I've always been a CHAMPION sleeper. If it were an Olympic sport - I would WIN. Until lately...
I value sleep. Probably more than.... most of my friendships.
Not really! gosh... but, it's really important to me.
The problem isn't obvious (like it so often is...ha). I feeeeeel like a zombie. Caffeine has been necessary - except I'm not all that good at caffeine (usually I avoid it) - so I'm pretty bad with balance, as my friend Couch Amanda put it "Have you ever had so much caffeine that it feels like you have a hole in your head?" Errrr, yes... this week I HAVE!
Last night I was 110% sure I had found a winning (ewww, I can't "say" that without hearing Charlie Sheen... balls) ANYWAYS: Last night I was SO SURE I had found a solution: 2 glasses of wine. I started early. Around 7:30 or so.
Nope.
11:45 - a sleepy pill prescribed by my doctor (not the one with the grumpy receptionist - a different one with a rather cheery receptionist)
Nada.
1:30 - 2 bennadryl
Ugh... I think you get it.
I think I knocked out between 2 and 3.... only to wake up at 3:45.... and again at 5:50.
This is so uncool.
Tried something different tonight - even though I'm sluggish and exhausted and pa-retty cranky, I WORKED OUT.... assisted in dinner making (well, not really... but I did wash my hair and do the dishes.. both require lots of energy), made some S'more cupcakes (to make my husband popular at work) and now I'm blogging... which is obviously hard work. Short version: I've worn myself out. And it's late..... but I think maybe... JUST MAYBE I'll fall asleep and stay asleep until my alarm goes off.
Just like the old days.
You know, two weeks ago...
SWEET DREAMS!!!!
** leeeetle disclaimer: if this is gibberish, it must be due to the lack of sleep.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Grasshopper.
The husband is always prepared. Doesn't matter what we're talking about - he is prepared for it. It's adorable. It's one of the thousands of reasons I love him.
Saturday, this little fella rode a few miles from Pier1 to Kroger with us:
Actually, he was quite large. As far as grasshoppers go. He was big enough to make me get into the car in record speed. I'm not a fan of giant bugs...ick. I was pretty sure he was waiting on me to open my car door so he could attack and... I don't know... spit on me? He traveled a lonnnng way for a bug - just by hitching a ride.
Anyways: this is really going somewhere. Kind of.
The conversation was as follows:
JD: Well, you know, if you were stranded in the jungle, those are the kind of things you would need to look for. For food. (with his "of course" voice)
Me: I will never be stranded in a jungle because I'll never go to a jungle (with MY "of course" voice. They're different)
JD: Fair enough.
When the end of the world comes, he is definitely the person to be with.
But that's how he thinks! Always prepared. I love it. <3
Saturday, this little fella rode a few miles from Pier1 to Kroger with us:
Anyways: this is really going somewhere. Kind of.
The conversation was as follows:
JD: Well, you know, if you were stranded in the jungle, those are the kind of things you would need to look for. For food. (with his "of course" voice)
Me: I will never be stranded in a jungle because I'll never go to a jungle (with MY "of course" voice. They're different)
JD: Fair enough.
When the end of the world comes, he is definitely the person to be with.
But that's how he thinks! Always prepared. I love it. <3
Thursday, September 8, 2011
You must be pregnant before you can change doctors. Seriously.
I should be a little more careful with my phone conversations at work...
So - this is probably all TMI, but whatever... My lady needs doctor is ... OLD. Not just hard of hearing and exceptionally wrinkly.. he is ancient. I have to yell just to have a discussion with him. When I moved here, I just phone booked a doctor (I know... whyyyy?) - and I recently heard from my cousin (Garage Sale Julie) about a new doctor (one who can hear and wasn't around for the Civil War)...
I found out that the two doctors are in the same clinic - EASY! I thought... because all the new doctor would need to do to obtain my records is cross the clinic and make a copy.
Um. No.
The phone-answering-jewel-of-a person GUILT TRIPPED me about wanting to switch doctors and explained (harshly) that "there is a rule between doctors.. you can't just switch doctors without having permission.. unless you're pregnant because your doctor doesn't deliver anymore"
To which I saw an opening and went with it...
"Well I'm TRYING to be pregnant!" (... still in the office... and that's not true, but that's not ANY of HER business)
awful phone woman: "Well.. it would only make a difference if you WERE pregnant"
Me: "So I have to get pregnant before I can switch doctors? That doesn't make any sense."
APW: "Yes"
(long pause)
APW: "Well, your doctor isn't in today, and he won't be tomorrow - so it'll be at least Monday before I can call you to let you know if you CAN switch doctors"
Me: "You just told me my doctor doesn't deliver babies - I don't see why I can't just make an appointment with a doctor I want to see"
APW: "It'll be Monday before I get back to you"
No thanks, I'll just find another clinic - GAHHHHHH!
The office team had to have heard my side of the conversation... I wasn't quiet. So I should probably go back to work and explain that I am, in fact, not trying to be pregnant. Or maybe I'll make them wonder :)
So - this is probably all TMI, but whatever... My lady needs doctor is ... OLD. Not just hard of hearing and exceptionally wrinkly.. he is ancient. I have to yell just to have a discussion with him. When I moved here, I just phone booked a doctor (I know... whyyyy?) - and I recently heard from my cousin (Garage Sale Julie) about a new doctor (one who can hear and wasn't around for the Civil War)...
I found out that the two doctors are in the same clinic - EASY! I thought... because all the new doctor would need to do to obtain my records is cross the clinic and make a copy.
Um. No.
The phone-answering-jewel-of-a person GUILT TRIPPED me about wanting to switch doctors and explained (harshly) that "there is a rule between doctors.. you can't just switch doctors without having permission.. unless you're pregnant because your doctor doesn't deliver anymore"
To which I saw an opening and went with it...
"Well I'm TRYING to be pregnant!" (... still in the office... and that's not true, but that's not ANY of HER business)
awful phone woman: "Well.. it would only make a difference if you WERE pregnant"
Me: "So I have to get pregnant before I can switch doctors? That doesn't make any sense."
APW: "Yes"
(long pause)
APW: "Well, your doctor isn't in today, and he won't be tomorrow - so it'll be at least Monday before I can call you to let you know if you CAN switch doctors"
Me: "You just told me my doctor doesn't deliver babies - I don't see why I can't just make an appointment with a doctor I want to see"
APW: "It'll be Monday before I get back to you"
No thanks, I'll just find another clinic - GAHHHHHH!
The office team had to have heard my side of the conversation... I wasn't quiet. So I should probably go back to work and explain that I am, in fact, not trying to be pregnant. Or maybe I'll make them wonder :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
.Frustrated.
Yesterday Luke (8) was describing a dream he had about giant spiders.... the giant spiders were, apparently, biting people - but not successfully hurting them. He went on to shake his head and exclaim: "It just doesn't make sense! Sometimes real life doesn't make sense, though."
No, Luke, it doesn't....
I'm still relatively young (I would like to think!) ... and I am always trying to make things that don't make sense (in real life) *right*. Of course, this rarely works out for me and I usually just end up frustrated. I've got to learn not to put my emotions into things that are out of my control. My husband seems to have this mastered. And my Dad.... coincidence that they're both males? .... maybe not. I can only think of one woman in my close family that isn't under the delusion that we can "fix" things and will do so by telling people how we feel (previously mentioned cousin who is VERY organized and super efficient during a garage sale... or... anything. I think we're going to start calling her Garage Sale Julie) Because once you understand how I FEEL and you see WHAT I SEE, certainly you wouldn't continue whatever A-hole thing you were doing... no way! Psssch.
What doesn't make sense to me: A mother taking her son away from his (non-deadbeat) father... A dad who loves and laughs and plays and teaches .... THAT doesn't make sense... All so she can start over and maybe have less guilt about how she has lived her life...and the father/son relationship is continued via cell phone and skype...because that's the same as tucking your child in and picking them up from school and giving them a hug when they take a spill of the bike... you get it...
Of course, this particular mother knows exactly how I feel - and how he feels, for that matter - but she doesn't GET. IT.
I pray every day for some magical realization to come over her so she can fix this... so Luke doesn't spend every holiday on the road and every birthday without one of his parents... However, she is incredibly selfish... this isn't really about Luke. It's about her.
I've got to find a way to get rid of the anger I have towards her... it hurts me more than her, I know. Typically I'm good at turning negative feelings into something... SOMETHING... but she seems to be the exception. I'm definitely working on it... My biggest obstacle is that I don't understand how she can't see the problems she is causing for her own son... and I get all into it and emotional and negative... It's not productive, I know.
Sometimes real life doesn't make sense.
My boys on top of Pinnacle Mountain
No, Luke, it doesn't....
I'm still relatively young (I would like to think!) ... and I am always trying to make things that don't make sense (in real life) *right*. Of course, this rarely works out for me and I usually just end up frustrated. I've got to learn not to put my emotions into things that are out of my control. My husband seems to have this mastered. And my Dad.... coincidence that they're both males? .... maybe not. I can only think of one woman in my close family that isn't under the delusion that we can "fix" things and will do so by telling people how we feel (previously mentioned cousin who is VERY organized and super efficient during a garage sale... or... anything. I think we're going to start calling her Garage Sale Julie) Because once you understand how I FEEL and you see WHAT I SEE, certainly you wouldn't continue whatever A-hole thing you were doing... no way! Psssch.
What doesn't make sense to me: A mother taking her son away from his (non-deadbeat) father... A dad who loves and laughs and plays and teaches .... THAT doesn't make sense... All so she can start over and maybe have less guilt about how she has lived her life...and the father/son relationship is continued via cell phone and skype...because that's the same as tucking your child in and picking them up from school and giving them a hug when they take a spill of the bike... you get it...
Of course, this particular mother knows exactly how I feel - and how he feels, for that matter - but she doesn't GET. IT.
I pray every day for some magical realization to come over her so she can fix this... so Luke doesn't spend every holiday on the road and every birthday without one of his parents... However, she is incredibly selfish... this isn't really about Luke. It's about her.
I've got to find a way to get rid of the anger I have towards her... it hurts me more than her, I know. Typically I'm good at turning negative feelings into something... SOMETHING... but she seems to be the exception. I'm definitely working on it... My biggest obstacle is that I don't understand how she can't see the problems she is causing for her own son... and I get all into it and emotional and negative... It's not productive, I know.
Sometimes real life doesn't make sense.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Nothing Post
I really wanted to blog tonight....
But I couldn't think of anything in particular to write about....
So instead I'm sharing this:
Goodnight!
But I couldn't think of anything in particular to write about....
So instead I'm sharing this:
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Garage Sale
We had a garage sale Saturday.
With my cousin joining in AND my friend Riley (and even a few items from Couch Amanda).... so this was like a three family ordeal.
Friday night came and I was still hauling things from upstairs that had been in boxes since we moved into our home (err..... 10 months ago). I'm not really much of the "preparation" type.... so much so that I feel the need to put quotes around the word "preparation". My cousin, Julie, is TOTALLY the opposite of me. I think I even called her a freak at one point....
For weeks leading to the garage sale she would sporadically send me a text asking about the sale.... and I guess I didn't think much of it - until Friday night when she showed up all organized. It took her about half the time it took me to set up. Her items were priced, color coordinated AND had her initials on them. Brilliant.
My father-in-law once told me that "organization is often mistaken for genius"... I suppose by people like ME. :)
So - we busted open the wine and had a pricing party. Anything with the word "party" at the end must be fun right? ha. My feet hurt before the garage sale even started!
Saturday morning came - HELLO 6:30! We got busy quickly and it never occurred to me that it would freak me out to see people touching my clothes and shoveling through items that were in my home hours before.... Riley and I had this little conversation - let me just tell you.. the expression on her face was so.serious..... she meant it.
M: ... I didn't think it would weird me out like this to see people going through my things - but this is kind of chaotic.
R: Oh, have you ever done this before?
M: ... No
R: I took an anxiety pill before I came over.
M: All I've had is a cup of coffee
R: Yeah, this is more of a Xanax thing than a coffee thing. (while she said this... she touched my arm. I told you, serious!)
M: oh..... (then I ran inside to correct what I had obviously done wrong)
Things went a little more smoothly once I got my game face on. Minus the part where a little girl asked me how much a bracelet was - I told her - and she proceeded to steal it - it was a profitable day! We definitely made more than I thought we would. It didn't hurt that we had some big things to sell... a lap top, a washer/dryer... our sanity.
Anytime the husband could tell I was getting tired and ready to pack up he would just say "go touch the money".
It's hard to get out of that "What else can I sell" mode. I am still catching myself walking through the house thinking "... I could sell that for $7!". Maybe that will go away soonish.
With my cousin joining in AND my friend Riley (and even a few items from Couch Amanda).... so this was like a three family ordeal.
Friday night came and I was still hauling things from upstairs that had been in boxes since we moved into our home (err..... 10 months ago). I'm not really much of the "preparation" type.... so much so that I feel the need to put quotes around the word "preparation". My cousin, Julie, is TOTALLY the opposite of me. I think I even called her a freak at one point....
For weeks leading to the garage sale she would sporadically send me a text asking about the sale.... and I guess I didn't think much of it - until Friday night when she showed up all organized. It took her about half the time it took me to set up. Her items were priced, color coordinated AND had her initials on them. Brilliant.
My father-in-law once told me that "organization is often mistaken for genius"... I suppose by people like ME. :)
So - we busted open the wine and had a pricing party. Anything with the word "party" at the end must be fun right? ha. My feet hurt before the garage sale even started!
Saturday morning came - HELLO 6:30! We got busy quickly and it never occurred to me that it would freak me out to see people touching my clothes and shoveling through items that were in my home hours before.... Riley and I had this little conversation - let me just tell you.. the expression on her face was so.serious..... she meant it.
M: ... I didn't think it would weird me out like this to see people going through my things - but this is kind of chaotic.
R: Oh, have you ever done this before?
M: ... No
R: I took an anxiety pill before I came over.
M: All I've had is a cup of coffee
R: Yeah, this is more of a Xanax thing than a coffee thing. (while she said this... she touched my arm. I told you, serious!)
M: oh..... (then I ran inside to correct what I had obviously done wrong)
Things went a little more smoothly once I got my game face on. Minus the part where a little girl asked me how much a bracelet was - I told her - and she proceeded to steal it - it was a profitable day! We definitely made more than I thought we would. It didn't hurt that we had some big things to sell... a lap top, a washer/dryer... our sanity.
Anytime the husband could tell I was getting tired and ready to pack up he would just say "go touch the money".
It's hard to get out of that "What else can I sell" mode. I am still catching myself walking through the house thinking "... I could sell that for $7!". Maybe that will go away soonish.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Just keep swimming
I think I need a vacation.
Rephrasing that: I need a vacation.
This whole working for a living thing is for the birds.
Nah - it's not really that I don't like working... although work has been stretching me pretty thin here lately (although I mean figuratively, I WISH physically...). I've been coming home exhausted most days - and, as a naturally happy person - maintaining my smiley attitude has been difficult as of late - which makes me a little disappointed in myself. I would like to think I'm one of those "push through the storm with a positive attitude" people - but this... this is a long storm. As long as I remind myself that it's temporary - I'm okay. It's when I get caught up in the drama of it all and the negative thinking spiral begins.... eh... you get it.
I really would just EAT UP a few days off... away... somewhere in the mountains by a lake - or on the beach or on a giant bed in a cabin with lots of good food and a few easy reads..... and of course, the Mister :)
He still gives me butterflies.
It's nice.
We were in a long distance relationship for a year before I moved to Little Rock. We tore up the roads between LR and Dallas...
Today we met for lunch and both went the same direction for a while when we had to return to work (which doesn't happen often because he works on the other side of town and I always eat lunch at home) - but there was a moment where he had to exit and I stayed on the freeway - our cars were getting farther from each other - but were parallel... we waved... and my heart fluttered. I guess that is never going to go away. There were so many days and nights that we had to drive away from each other like that - waving... counting the minutes until the next time we would see one another. That was the most difficult, wonderful, exciting time. I'm thankful for not having to live that way anymore!
So - I got off track... but I don't really know that I had a track tonight....
No vacation in sight for now - so.. I'll "just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" :)
Rephrasing that: I need a vacation.
This whole working for a living thing is for the birds.
Nah - it's not really that I don't like working... although work has been stretching me pretty thin here lately (although I mean figuratively, I WISH physically...). I've been coming home exhausted most days - and, as a naturally happy person - maintaining my smiley attitude has been difficult as of late - which makes me a little disappointed in myself. I would like to think I'm one of those "push through the storm with a positive attitude" people - but this... this is a long storm. As long as I remind myself that it's temporary - I'm okay. It's when I get caught up in the drama of it all and the negative thinking spiral begins.... eh... you get it.
I really would just EAT UP a few days off... away... somewhere in the mountains by a lake - or on the beach or on a giant bed in a cabin with lots of good food and a few easy reads..... and of course, the Mister :)
He still gives me butterflies.
It's nice.
We were in a long distance relationship for a year before I moved to Little Rock. We tore up the roads between LR and Dallas...
Today we met for lunch and both went the same direction for a while when we had to return to work (which doesn't happen often because he works on the other side of town and I always eat lunch at home) - but there was a moment where he had to exit and I stayed on the freeway - our cars were getting farther from each other - but were parallel... we waved... and my heart fluttered. I guess that is never going to go away. There were so many days and nights that we had to drive away from each other like that - waving... counting the minutes until the next time we would see one another. That was the most difficult, wonderful, exciting time. I'm thankful for not having to live that way anymore!
So - I got off track... but I don't really know that I had a track tonight....
No vacation in sight for now - so.. I'll "just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" :)
Monday, August 22, 2011
Heart. Attack.
um, have you ever had that moment where you're just SURE you sent an email to the wrong person and it's definitely going to have some negative repercussions? I had that. Just now. I'm still having to stare at the message details and make sure it didn't go to the one person it shouldn't have.....
I can't give details right now. But I will later. And this will all make sense.
HEART. ATTACK. beatingSOfast.
I can't give details right now. But I will later. And this will all make sense.
HEART. ATTACK. beatingSOfast.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Too many episodes of Cup Cake Wars makes things look easy.
It's been a crap couple of weeks.
You can probably tell what kind of post this is going to be. I would bail out now if you aren't up for "hearing" me whine.
It's been a couple weeks that just... make me feel like a failure. Like I keep missing my chances at something that could be a turning point. I've managed to sabotage two possible turning points in exactly one week. Wow... only one week. I thought it was more than that. It's been a longgggggg week. Kind of a 2fer. Not the good kind.
Last week at work I was sent to Memphis to do some field training. I've always worked with new employees at my job - one on one - to get them acclimated and, hopefully, good at their job while maintaining a positive attitude... but I've never worked with a group of people at once using a curriculum..so this was going to be new to me. I was up for the challenge, mainly because I'd never met any of these people and I knew what I was talking about... the subject wasn't foreign. The short version of the rest of this story, without giving too much away about the company I work for.... , is that my opportunity was sort of taken - and I feel like I should have voiced that I wanted to do it anyways - it was someone wayyyy over me that decided to teach the class that day.
If you don't know about my job... the nutshelled story: I work in property management mainly focusing on resident retention. The properties I work with are kind of rough.. and the residents tend to burn me out - they're just hard people... hard people to please... hard people to make smile... just... difficult - so I've been trying to get away from being in the front office dealing directly with residents, and I prefer to work with employees and internal situations...
It felt like my opportunity to finally be out of that front office may be coming... and BAM... it went right by me and all I could do was frown and wave a sad little wave. I'm still not sure what I could have done differently... but probably something. I know this is vague - but in the event that the owner of the company reads this, I've not put anything negative about my job... but he'll probably ask, since I just said that. Oh, geez.
Next turning point (I know, I need a new term for "turning point"): I've always had a secret little dream to open a bakery. Maybe a girly bakery that sells breakfast and tasty goodies and local artist items/jewelry and custom cake stands... I may have given this SOME thought. Now, don't let me fool you: I don't know the first thing about doing this... but it's just always been there in the back of my head. Well, I've recently started talking about it. Out loud... not just in my head... and to my husband/friends/parents... my mom's reaction "::laugh:: I didn't think you bake that often..." Well... I do! Ask my husband (and his co-workers... who usually have to eat what I make so I can get it out of the house). My problem is I'm not that great at making things PRETTY. I can make them tasty and edible.... but making it pretty has always been my problem. I'm getting better... or so I thought.
Earlier this week one of my friends asked me to make a goody basket full of yumminess for her boyfriend and have it delivered to his work (the chick version of sending flowers... send him something to eat). I agreed because I thought this could be the start of something. Everything would go smashingly and I would make a delicious, beautiful basket full of heavenly treats... she would tell her friends and I would have people calling for me to do this all the time.
Uh, not so much.
I couldn't get my frosting right. I don't know why. I don't typically have this problem... but today, for reasons I don't understand, it wouldn't get RIGHT. God has a sense of humor.
Next: the white chocolate that I melted to cover the truffles in wasn't getting runny (ew...) enough to coat my candies without being clumpy. I bought a different brand than normal... but I didn't think it would make a difference. Oh, it did.
I also made snickers popcorn... for the first time. Let's just say it didn't look like the photo.
Now, my friend, being the sweetheart that she is, will tell me it's fabulous and they'll talk about how ghetto the whole thing looks when they're alone. I will not have people calling me to do this all the time.
Today was my day off because I worked saturday... All I wanted to do was clean the house.
I made a huge mess in the kitchen and my laundry is still in a large pile(s) at the end of the bed. UGHHHH
I just feel a little like I suck at life.
Maybe my friend will let me have a re-do and I will make things better.
Maybe I'm just going to go to sleep now.
Last thing: I've been working my butt off (.. I wish literally) to lose weight. Working out sometimes twice a day.... I haven't been eating THAT badly... I have gained weight.
Okay, bed.
You can probably tell what kind of post this is going to be. I would bail out now if you aren't up for "hearing" me whine.
It's been a couple weeks that just... make me feel like a failure. Like I keep missing my chances at something that could be a turning point. I've managed to sabotage two possible turning points in exactly one week. Wow... only one week. I thought it was more than that. It's been a longgggggg week. Kind of a 2fer. Not the good kind.
Last week at work I was sent to Memphis to do some field training. I've always worked with new employees at my job - one on one - to get them acclimated and, hopefully, good at their job while maintaining a positive attitude... but I've never worked with a group of people at once using a curriculum..so this was going to be new to me. I was up for the challenge, mainly because I'd never met any of these people and I knew what I was talking about... the subject wasn't foreign. The short version of the rest of this story, without giving too much away about the company I work for.... , is that my opportunity was sort of taken - and I feel like I should have voiced that I wanted to do it anyways - it was someone wayyyy over me that decided to teach the class that day.
If you don't know about my job... the nutshelled story: I work in property management mainly focusing on resident retention. The properties I work with are kind of rough.. and the residents tend to burn me out - they're just hard people... hard people to please... hard people to make smile... just... difficult - so I've been trying to get away from being in the front office dealing directly with residents, and I prefer to work with employees and internal situations...
It felt like my opportunity to finally be out of that front office may be coming... and BAM... it went right by me and all I could do was frown and wave a sad little wave. I'm still not sure what I could have done differently... but probably something. I know this is vague - but in the event that the owner of the company reads this, I've not put anything negative about my job... but he'll probably ask, since I just said that. Oh, geez.
Next turning point (I know, I need a new term for "turning point"): I've always had a secret little dream to open a bakery. Maybe a girly bakery that sells breakfast and tasty goodies and local artist items/jewelry and custom cake stands... I may have given this SOME thought. Now, don't let me fool you: I don't know the first thing about doing this... but it's just always been there in the back of my head. Well, I've recently started talking about it. Out loud... not just in my head... and to my husband/friends/parents... my mom's reaction "::laugh:: I didn't think you bake that often..." Well... I do! Ask my husband (and his co-workers... who usually have to eat what I make so I can get it out of the house). My problem is I'm not that great at making things PRETTY. I can make them tasty and edible.... but making it pretty has always been my problem. I'm getting better... or so I thought.
Earlier this week one of my friends asked me to make a goody basket full of yumminess for her boyfriend and have it delivered to his work (the chick version of sending flowers... send him something to eat). I agreed because I thought this could be the start of something. Everything would go smashingly and I would make a delicious, beautiful basket full of heavenly treats... she would tell her friends and I would have people calling for me to do this all the time.
Uh, not so much.
I couldn't get my frosting right. I don't know why. I don't typically have this problem... but today, for reasons I don't understand, it wouldn't get RIGHT. God has a sense of humor.
Next: the white chocolate that I melted to cover the truffles in wasn't getting runny (ew...) enough to coat my candies without being clumpy. I bought a different brand than normal... but I didn't think it would make a difference. Oh, it did.
I also made snickers popcorn... for the first time. Let's just say it didn't look like the photo.
Now, my friend, being the sweetheart that she is, will tell me it's fabulous and they'll talk about how ghetto the whole thing looks when they're alone. I will not have people calling me to do this all the time.
Today was my day off because I worked saturday... All I wanted to do was clean the house.
I made a huge mess in the kitchen and my laundry is still in a large pile(s) at the end of the bed. UGHHHH
I just feel a little like I suck at life.
Maybe my friend will let me have a re-do and I will make things better.
Maybe I'm just going to go to sleep now.
Last thing: I've been working my butt off (.. I wish literally) to lose weight. Working out sometimes twice a day.... I haven't been eating THAT badly... I have gained weight.
Okay, bed.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Change.Dreams.Love.Happy.
If you had told 5 years ago Melanie that she would be (so very happily) married and living in Little Rock, Arkansas soonish... she would have rolled her eyes, laughed and probably taken a shot of vodka (I had a vodka phase about 5 years ago...).
When I was in high school, my cousin worked for Hendrix (still does...), but she - on several occasions - attempted to strike up conversation that involved me possibly attending Hendrix College... I remember telling my mom I wasn't interested because I would never even CONSIDER living in Arkansas. Ohhh Irony, how I love thee. The minute I graduated high school I was out the door and in DFW.
Being the stereotypical Texan that I am, this is how my map of the US went:
I really loved college. I loved it so much that I had a "victory lap" - actually, it was just half a lap. One extra semester (but don't worry, my dad still found a way to work in the fact that that I had been there so long I could "be mayor" into conversation). My plan was always to stay in Dallas... probably North Dallas, and have some super fabulous life that would eventually lead to having a credit card specifically for shoes and a closet that was a showroom for said shoes. In these fantasies I never had a job... odd....
I met my husband in the middle of my junior year of college. For several reasons that would require another post to get into detail, people freaked out when I fell for him. By people I mean almost everyone I know. Except for my sister. I knew a couple of weeks within meeting him that I loved him. I didn't know how or when or what was going to happen - but I knew I had to be with him. To be honest, it freaked me out a little too.
Now, keep in mind that I had my heart set on being a very "important" city girl. I had tall buildings to live in and plenty of late nights out left - I thought.
There was only one way I could ever be with my sweetheart.
I had to do the unthinkable and move to Arkansas. I remember talking to a friend about this and she literally said to me "... but where will you buy your makeup? Do they even have malls there?" hahahaha
We didn't really talk about it too much because the conversation always came to a dead end: He had a son. I would never ask him or even think that he would leave his son and come away with me to live my city girl dream.
A few days after graduation, I decided that I was moving to Little Rock. A few days after I decided to move to Little Rock, he proposed (on top of Pinnacle Mountain New Year's Day... so romantic!). He was waiting on me to make a decision so that I didn't feel pressured (isn't he the sweetest thing ever? yes, yes he is).
First we lived in Hillcrest - which was super cute and close to downtown. The downside: our adorable little cottage was a gazillion years old and required a lot of maintenance. Now we live in West Little Rock - we love our home... it's still a work in progress, but it's come a long way since we bought it. I thought it would bother me to live so far from downtown... it does NOT. I love it out here! It's a quiet neighborhood... we even have neighbors that are NICE. Nice neighbors... how interesting.
We have a new dream: to save up, build a not-too-big house on a fat piece of land that is nowhere close to anything. With a wrap around porch. And lots of windows.
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?
I'll be the first to admit that I didn't like it when I moved here. My first year here was really hard - and I had moments of "WHYYYYYYYYY am I here?" quite often. I was strictly here because I had to be with him - and by then I was also in love with my step-son... he is a special little boy with a big place in my heart. When people asked me how I ended up in Arkansas, I would just giggle and say "oh, that man I married!". But now I say "I like it here." - and... I do. It's nice here. Minus the 100+ degree weather, I don't really have any complaints... I'm really happy here - which is something I was afraid would never happen when I first got here.
What I want has completely changed. My dreams have taken a turn... I don't want the same things. I used to think it was so strange that my parents would stay home even if they were given the opportunity to do something "out". I. Get. It.
This is the first weekend in a long string of weekends that I get to be alone with my husband in our house with absolutely no plans. I could not be more excited (right now I'm listening to him snore in unison with the dog... kind of the exclamation point to my... point).
The thing is, there is nobody else I could do this with. I could only want this dream with my husband.
I really love what we have.
Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.
When I was in high school, my cousin worked for Hendrix (still does...), but she - on several occasions - attempted to strike up conversation that involved me possibly attending Hendrix College... I remember telling my mom I wasn't interested because I would never even CONSIDER living in Arkansas. Ohhh Irony, how I love thee. The minute I graduated high school I was out the door and in DFW.
Being the stereotypical Texan that I am, this is how my map of the US went:
I really loved college. I loved it so much that I had a "victory lap" - actually, it was just half a lap. One extra semester (but don't worry, my dad still found a way to work in the fact that that I had been there so long I could "be mayor" into conversation). My plan was always to stay in Dallas... probably North Dallas, and have some super fabulous life that would eventually lead to having a credit card specifically for shoes and a closet that was a showroom for said shoes. In these fantasies I never had a job... odd....
I met my husband in the middle of my junior year of college. For several reasons that would require another post to get into detail, people freaked out when I fell for him. By people I mean almost everyone I know. Except for my sister. I knew a couple of weeks within meeting him that I loved him. I didn't know how or when or what was going to happen - but I knew I had to be with him. To be honest, it freaked me out a little too.
Now, keep in mind that I had my heart set on being a very "important" city girl. I had tall buildings to live in and plenty of late nights out left - I thought.
There was only one way I could ever be with my sweetheart.
I had to do the unthinkable and move to Arkansas. I remember talking to a friend about this and she literally said to me "... but where will you buy your makeup? Do they even have malls there?" hahahaha
We didn't really talk about it too much because the conversation always came to a dead end: He had a son. I would never ask him or even think that he would leave his son and come away with me to live my city girl dream.
A few days after graduation, I decided that I was moving to Little Rock. A few days after I decided to move to Little Rock, he proposed (on top of Pinnacle Mountain New Year's Day... so romantic!). He was waiting on me to make a decision so that I didn't feel pressured (isn't he the sweetest thing ever? yes, yes he is).
First we lived in Hillcrest - which was super cute and close to downtown. The downside: our adorable little cottage was a gazillion years old and required a lot of maintenance. Now we live in West Little Rock - we love our home... it's still a work in progress, but it's come a long way since we bought it. I thought it would bother me to live so far from downtown... it does NOT. I love it out here! It's a quiet neighborhood... we even have neighbors that are NICE. Nice neighbors... how interesting.
We have a new dream: to save up, build a not-too-big house on a fat piece of land that is nowhere close to anything. With a wrap around porch. And lots of windows.
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?
I'll be the first to admit that I didn't like it when I moved here. My first year here was really hard - and I had moments of "WHYYYYYYYYY am I here?" quite often. I was strictly here because I had to be with him - and by then I was also in love with my step-son... he is a special little boy with a big place in my heart. When people asked me how I ended up in Arkansas, I would just giggle and say "oh, that man I married!". But now I say "I like it here." - and... I do. It's nice here. Minus the 100+ degree weather, I don't really have any complaints... I'm really happy here - which is something I was afraid would never happen when I first got here.
What I want has completely changed. My dreams have taken a turn... I don't want the same things. I used to think it was so strange that my parents would stay home even if they were given the opportunity to do something "out". I. Get. It.
This is the first weekend in a long string of weekends that I get to be alone with my husband in our house with absolutely no plans. I could not be more excited (right now I'm listening to him snore in unison with the dog... kind of the exclamation point to my... point).
The thing is, there is nobody else I could do this with. I could only want this dream with my husband.
I really love what we have.
Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.
I love this photo - in case you can't read it, the note says "I didn't know there was joy like this. I love you". That, along with a small box containing some beautiful earrings, came to me on our wedding day while I was getting my hair did.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
It'll just take some time...
I sat next to one of my best friends yesterday while her mother was lowered into her final resting place.
Something so awful doesn't feel real while it's happening. My heart is broken for my friend. I knew, and thought the entire way there (... I had some time.. changed planes 3xs), that there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to bring her comfort. There wasn't anything I could do to ease her pain. Ugh.
We're always so shocked and in disbelief when a loved one dies - but it is going to happen for all of us. My friend knows her mom's heart was in the right place - she knows where she is - so why does it sting so much? I don't think there is any way to prepare for the loss of a parent - no matter their age or quality of life when they have to leave....
The thing that brought a smile to her face: the strangers that had their lives touched by her mom - the nurses that cared for her mom and people my friend had never really met came to her to tell her how great of a friend her mom was to them, or how she helped them with a tough time. It was really sweet.
I've been in South Texas since Thursday evening... it was hard to come back and leave my friend, but a girl has to work.
My stomach is happy that I'm back. I am pretty sure I ate my weight in Mexican food while I was there. Those grieving Mexicans really know how to whip up some spectacular food. I had lots of hot sauce. Fajitas two days in a row. Some meat that I didn't want to ask questions about - but it was delicious. Some legit rice. countless tortillas. Ahhhhh. It's a good thing I don't live there... I really could eat that food every. day.
Oh, and sweet bread. I had never had such a thing. It's every where down there!! I'm going to have to have some shipped here.... no. no. I don't need to do that.
Yesterday evening ended with a cook-out (where I consumed more of the previously mentioned items...) and a good time. The family and friends shared memories of her mother - and had some much needed laughs.
Send a couple of prayers my friend's way...
I love you, Annette. Your mother was very obviously a sweet, wonderful lady who had many people love her.
Something so awful doesn't feel real while it's happening. My heart is broken for my friend. I knew, and thought the entire way there (... I had some time.. changed planes 3xs), that there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to bring her comfort. There wasn't anything I could do to ease her pain. Ugh.
We're always so shocked and in disbelief when a loved one dies - but it is going to happen for all of us. My friend knows her mom's heart was in the right place - she knows where she is - so why does it sting so much? I don't think there is any way to prepare for the loss of a parent - no matter their age or quality of life when they have to leave....
The thing that brought a smile to her face: the strangers that had their lives touched by her mom - the nurses that cared for her mom and people my friend had never really met came to her to tell her how great of a friend her mom was to them, or how she helped them with a tough time. It was really sweet.
I've been in South Texas since Thursday evening... it was hard to come back and leave my friend, but a girl has to work.
My stomach is happy that I'm back. I am pretty sure I ate my weight in Mexican food while I was there. Those grieving Mexicans really know how to whip up some spectacular food. I had lots of hot sauce. Fajitas two days in a row. Some meat that I didn't want to ask questions about - but it was delicious. Some legit rice. countless tortillas. Ahhhhh. It's a good thing I don't live there... I really could eat that food every. day.
Oh, and sweet bread. I had never had such a thing. It's every where down there!! I'm going to have to have some shipped here.... no. no. I don't need to do that.
Yesterday evening ended with a cook-out (where I consumed more of the previously mentioned items...) and a good time. The family and friends shared memories of her mother - and had some much needed laughs.
Send a couple of prayers my friend's way...
I love you, Annette. Your mother was very obviously a sweet, wonderful lady who had many people love her.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sometimes we lie to kids.
It feels *kind of* bad to lie to Luke... so frequently... but hear me out.
He is the typical, tomato hating 7 year old. He doesn't want tomatoes touching anything he plans on eating - and he definitely doesn't want me to do the mom thing and try to sneak them into his belly.
I found a way around this.
"It's not tomato, Luke. It's rotel - like in cheese dip!" Not all the way a lie.... and he doesn't ask any questions about anything related to cheese dip. Cheese dip is the ultimate kid delicacy.
Last night he was eating my husband's version of chicken spaghetti - which is probably better than mine... - and he says "Is this tomato or rotel?" I very quickly said "ROTEL! We know you don't like tomatoes"
To which he responded, "well... it's just that, I don't think I can tell the difference anymore. I think I like tomatoes"
HOORAY!!!
PS - my husband is off work all week... can I just say that having a house husband is AMAZING. I come home and dinner is ready... I even get handed a glass of wine. A girl could get used to this.
He is the typical, tomato hating 7 year old. He doesn't want tomatoes touching anything he plans on eating - and he definitely doesn't want me to do the mom thing and try to sneak them into his belly.
I found a way around this.
"It's not tomato, Luke. It's rotel - like in cheese dip!" Not all the way a lie.... and he doesn't ask any questions about anything related to cheese dip. Cheese dip is the ultimate kid delicacy.
Last night he was eating my husband's version of chicken spaghetti - which is probably better than mine... - and he says "Is this tomato or rotel?" I very quickly said "ROTEL! We know you don't like tomatoes"
To which he responded, "well... it's just that, I don't think I can tell the difference anymore. I think I like tomatoes"
HOORAY!!!
PS - my husband is off work all week... can I just say that having a house husband is AMAZING. I come home and dinner is ready... I even get handed a glass of wine. A girl could get used to this.
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