.Frustrated.

Yesterday Luke (8) was describing a dream he had about giant spiders.... the giant spiders were, apparently, biting people - but not successfully hurting them. He went on to shake his head and exclaim: "It just doesn't make sense! Sometimes real life doesn't make sense, though."

No, Luke, it doesn't....

I'm still relatively young (I would like to think!) ... and I am always trying to make things that don't make sense (in real life) *right*.  Of course, this rarely works out for me and I usually just end up frustrated. I've got to learn not to put my emotions into things that are out of my control. My husband seems to have this mastered. And my Dad.... coincidence that they're both males? .... maybe not. I can only think of one woman in my close family that isn't under the delusion that we can "fix" things and will do so by telling people how we feel (previously mentioned cousin who is VERY organized and super efficient during a garage sale... or... anything. I think we're going to start calling her Garage Sale Julie) Because once you understand how I FEEL and you see WHAT I SEE, certainly you wouldn't continue whatever A-hole thing you were doing... no way! Psssch.

What doesn't make sense to me: A mother taking her son away from his (non-deadbeat) father... A dad who loves and laughs and plays and teaches .... THAT doesn't make sense... All so she can start over and maybe have less guilt about how she has lived her life...and the father/son relationship is continued via cell phone and skype...because that's the same as tucking your child in and picking them up from school and giving them a hug when they take a spill of the bike... you get it...

Of course, this particular mother knows exactly how I feel - and how he feels, for that matter - but she doesn't GET. IT.

I pray every day for some magical realization to come over her so she can fix this... so Luke doesn't spend every holiday on the road and every birthday without one of his parents... However, she is incredibly selfish... this isn't really about Luke. It's about her.

I've got to find a way to get rid of the anger I have towards her... it hurts me more than her, I know. Typically I'm good at turning negative feelings into something... SOMETHING... but she seems to be the exception. I'm definitely working on it... My biggest obstacle is that I don't understand how she can't see the problems she is causing for her own son... and I get all into it and emotional and negative... It's not productive, I know.

Sometimes real life doesn't make sense.

                                                    My boys on top of Pinnacle Mountain