It'll just take some time...

I sat next to one of my best friends yesterday while her mother was lowered into her final resting place.

Something so awful doesn't feel real while it's happening. My heart is broken for my friend. I knew, and thought the entire way there (... I had some time.. changed planes 3xs), that there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to bring her comfort. There wasn't anything I could do to ease her pain. Ugh.

We're always so shocked and in disbelief when a loved one dies - but it is going to happen for all of us. My friend knows her mom's heart was in the right place - she knows where she is - so why does it sting so much? I don't think there is any way to prepare for the loss of a parent - no matter their age or quality of life when they have to leave....

The thing that brought a smile to her face: the strangers that had their lives touched by her mom - the nurses that cared for her mom and people my friend had never really met came to her to tell her how great of a friend her mom was to them, or how she helped them with a tough time. It was really sweet.

I've been in South Texas since Thursday evening... it was hard to come back and leave my friend, but a girl has to work.

My stomach is happy that I'm back. I am pretty sure I ate my weight in Mexican food while I was there. Those grieving Mexicans really know how to whip up some spectacular food. I had lots of hot sauce. Fajitas two days in a row. Some meat that I didn't want to ask questions about - but it was delicious. Some legit rice. countless tortillas. Ahhhhh. It's a good thing I don't live there... I really could eat that food every. day.

Oh, and sweet bread. I had never had such a thing. It's every where down there!! I'm going to have to have some shipped here.... no. no. I don't need to do that.

Yesterday evening ended with a cook-out (where I consumed more of the previously mentioned items...) and a good time. The family and friends shared memories of her mother - and had some much needed laughs.

Send a couple of prayers my friend's way...

I love you, Annette. Your mother was very obviously a sweet, wonderful lady who had many people love her.

Sometimes we lie to kids.

It feels *kind of* bad to lie to Luke... so frequently... but hear me out.

He is the typical, tomato hating 7 year old. He doesn't want tomatoes touching anything he plans on eating - and he definitely doesn't want me to do the mom thing and try to sneak them into his belly.

I found a way around this.

"It's not tomato, Luke. It's rotel - like in cheese dip!" Not all the way a lie.... and he doesn't ask any questions about anything related to cheese dip. Cheese dip is the ultimate kid delicacy.

Last night he was eating my husband's version of chicken spaghetti - which is probably better than mine... - and he says "Is this tomato or rotel?" I very quickly said "ROTEL! We know you don't like tomatoes"

To which he responded, "well... it's just that, I don't think I can tell the difference anymore. I think I like tomatoes"

HOORAY!!!

PS - my husband is off work all week... can I just say that having a house husband is AMAZING. I come home and dinner is ready... I even get handed a glass of wine. A girl could get used to this.

Here's to you, Mom.

It is my sweet momma's birthday!! In honor of this amazing lady's special day - here are 5 LIFE CHANGING things that she has taught me:

1 - Make your bed, you'll feel better. It doesn't matter how crappy my day is - this has always worked. It makes the day a little better... plus it gives me somewhere to put all the laundry that I haven't folded.

2 - Even if you don't mean it, PRETEND to be in a good mood - and then eventually, you may actually BE in that good mood. My mom is very cheery. People love to be around her because she is such a positive person. I try to be this way... I don't quite have it down like she does :) It is what you make it, though - and Momma seems to have it mastered. She definitely knows how to make lemonade out of lemons. With a splash of vodka.

3 - Pray about it. That's all you can do, anyways. As a control freak, it took me a long time to finally accept that mom knows best when it comes to this. My mom has the kind of faith that people admire - she always tells me that I need to pray and give it to God. She is so right.

4 - Be silly. You have to be silly. My mom is so much fun.

5 - If you take care of other people, they will take care of you. She has never TOLD me this in so many words - but she lives it. Momma puts every one else before her - she has always taken such great care of my Dad and all three of her lovely offspring... her sister.. her brother... her mother ANYONE. She is the most caring person I know - she has such a big heart. In turn, people like to take care of her, too. We all love to know that she is doing well - and when she isn't feeling well, or she is down... there are many prayers (ahhh, #3 and #5 are connected....).

- My Momma in the middle, with her brother (David) and her sister (Diana) on the 4th of July

BONUS #6 - You don't always have to say "yes". It's okay to tell someone you have enough on your plate. 

So, Momma, I hope you have a fabulous birthday!! You are the sweetest, most beautiful woman I know. I love you.

The Dog (sitting) Days Are Over

SO....

I emailed my boss lady last night because Luke is sick and JD couldn't miss his client meeting this morning. I told her I would be at work by 12:30. Let me just recap how my night went. OH - and I'm dog sitting this little puppy named Kent. He is adorable, and his mommy is my friend. And Amanda - my bestie that is always on our couch - is spending the night. We sort of refer to her as our adopted daughter. Our first born.

12:00... finally get to bed.I'm not really sure what the hold up was, but I didn't get to bed until this late.

1:30.... Luke gets us up. He isn't feeling well and he can't sleep.

3:00 Luke gets us up.

4:30 Luke gets us up.

5:30 Luke gets us up.

6:00 we had JUST fallen back asleep. Amanda gets us up because she needs to let Dakota out (her dog) and she doesn't know how to disarm the security system. I tell her if she is going to let Dakota out, Shep (large dopey dog) is going to hear her and she'll just have to let all the dogs out. Including Pete - even though he maintains that he is not a dog.

6:05 - Amanda STOMPS back into our bedroom to tell us that Kent has been sick ALL in his kennel - and that he is now running around our garage covered in poo.

I lay there for a minute trying to take in what this means for me....

6:07 - she comes back in to tell me that Shep has had a similar experience. Naturally, since he is my baby, I jump out of bed and the second I walk into the garage... the smell slaps me across the face... I have never smelled something so AWFUL. SO AWFUL....... so. awful.

I get Shep outside and grab a towel to go find Kent (I also make "shoes" out of Kroger bags....my feet were bare!) - I wrap him in the towel and get him outside... I bleach the floor of the garage, the living room (our little Amanda ran through the house after stepping all in Kent's mess...), I throw a rug away that was ruined in the process.... then JD and I go out to hose the dogs and their beds down.

I called the vet - by now it's 7:30.... they don't open until 8. JD, Amanda and I lay down (all in our bed... but we were so sleepy that it wasn't weird) and we sleep for 30 minutes... then I prep my car AKA load it down with towels and blankets that I will later have to burn - and then I put Kent (who still reeks!) and Shep (who is just tired and listless) in my back seat.... take them to the vet.

Kent is so dehydrated that they kept him for the day. Shep gets to go back home and get treated like a little prince.... Luke and JD are home laying around... and I'm feeling quite zombie-ish. It's now 1:00 PM.

I get a call from the vet around 5ish - I've been as productive as a sleepless girl can be at work - and I head to go get Kent.

He is currently sleeping in my laundry room... poor little guy..... I feel so bad for him. His momma is in Honduras doing the Lord's work until Saturday. I feel like the worst dog sitter EVER - even though I know I did all I could do...

Ack.

The Real Kind.

I got called fat today. To my face. But it doesn't matter.

Allow me to break this down for you: My husband is ah-mazing.

I was having a particularly lovely day, minding my own business... thinking about getting off work and having a very much needed date night with my Sweetheart...and one of my residents (a rather harsh woman from New Orleans... late 50's, living off the government since Katrina, doesn't shower often or work ever) comes in to handle some lease signing business. We were all finished and this is how the conversation went:

Resident Smelly: You know, you got big
Me: .....excuse me?
RS: Yeah. You got big. You didn't used to be so big.
Me: That's not very nice. (insert complete look of bewilderment)
RS: Well, but you you know it's true.
Me: That doesn't mean I want to hear it. Here is a copy of your renewal.

She walked away smiling... her mission was complete. She got the government to sign another year of paying her rent so she can smoke weed and steal bread from the EZ mart - and she also managed to upset me. I didn't cry in front of her or anything, but when she left I definitely had one of those "... that. just. happened." moments. She isn't my friend or someone that I even care what they think about me... but what kind of adult DOES THAT? I mean.... DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or cry (I did a little of both).  Then I called my mom.

I didn't mean to give her such power over me... in fact, before I left work I even settled down and reminded myself that I have a husband that loves me even if I have gained 20something pounds over the past few years. Things happen... I've also been on a powerful steroid for the last 19 days - so I'm a little puffier than normal and retaining lots of water. I certainly didn't need her help in the self esteem department - I do fine on my own there.... trust me.

But

Then when I got in my car to leave - I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation and replaying it in my head.. trying to think of what I would have said had I been able to think. I probably would have been mean back... because that's the defensive thing to do. I would have mentioned her stench or the fact that I pay my own bills... or that I go home to a husband.... but that wouldn't have helped. It wouldn't have REALLY made me feel better.... maybe just a little less attacked - but not better. I really had my feelings hurt - I've never been called BIG to my face. The fact that she was just a random person made me feel really insecure - she doesn't know me or care about me... so if she says it and thinks it - the people that love me must just be trying to be nice... but they see it too. See? She got in my head a little.

And then I came home to my sweet, sweet husband. <3 Oh, that man. He had prepared. He knew what happened and that he had his work cut out for him. Poor guy...

He came home to me laying in bed with my sunglasses still on. I immediately replayed the scene for him and started crying so that he could begin consoling me with his charming words... He really knows what he is doing...

Then, in the middle of telling him the whole thing - I remembered that I'm reading a book called A Way With Words. I just started it a couple of days ago. It's about being careful with our words and using them only for the positive - trying to keep from destroying someone just because we can't hold our tongue - and I had a little feeling of accomplishment: I hadn't said something awful back to her. All I could get out was "that's not very nice". At the time, I was unhappy that I hadn't said something clever like "the good news is: my mother taught me manners!" or "Yeah, being in love and happy really makes me pack on the pounds"... but looking back, I'm so glad I didn't. Just like she doesn't know anything about me - I don't know anything about her or her history.... I'm really thankful that I said what I did. I don't think I'm allowed to take any "credit" because it didn't really occur to me until afterward, but I'm still glad. Granted - I pitched a fit when she left...

That's the short version - and my husband helped me work this all out and not feel bad about it.

So, after I pulled myself together, decided not to have an eating disorder and reapplied some eye makeup, we went to Cantina Laredo - one of our favorites (it's the best Mexican food in AR... it's the closest thing to Mexican food from home - and our favorite server there always makes us smile - his name is Carlos).

Two Cabo Margaritas later and some enchiladas camerones - I was STUFFED. Too stuffed.... gave myself a tummy ache. While at dinner the husband mentioned that he knew we would either go out and have a fabulous night as planned, or we would be taking a really long run - haha.

So - onto the part where true love owns:

We got home and my tummy was... unhappy. I had to lay down for a while... and he curled up with me to play Words With Friends (even though we previously established that it's kind of damaging to our relationship because I never get to win.... I'm actually winning our current game! I'm sure that will change soon). We both fell asleep for about an hour... We had originally planned on seeing a movie or SOMETHING else to follow up our dinner date - but that didn't happen. And now I'm writing this blog while he is reading and listening to music.... and we're HAPPY. I get to be happy. I can't believe that I married such an amazing man. I get to be the REAL KIND of happy. Maybe not skinny, at the moment, but happy!

Let's recap: some lady made me upset about being fat, I cried and went out to our dinner date anyways where I practiced being fat and gave myself a tummy ache, we came home and fell asleep instead of more fun date things and then woke up to relax together. I'd say that things are pretty great. Even if the scale doesn't read the way I really want it to right now. Former, less happy Melanie would have let that whole ordeal ruin the entire night. Happily married, very much loved Melanie knows it's not worth it.... She is way more fun!

So take me far away 

and hold me close to your heart 

and do me just this little favor 

for I do, yes I do love you

yes, I do love you. - KT

Fireworks for Luke

The more spontaneous the happenings, the more..... (this is going to sound cheesy) genuine things feel. Just.... easy...natural. Maybe I'll start to make sense in a minute...

Example:
4th of July Fireworks. Now: if we had PLANNED on attending the River Market fireworks... I wouldn't have been very excited. I don't like crowds... or loud noises. Or bugs. I would have planned on going solely for Luke - because he is 7 (only for a few more weeks! AHH!) and he loves fireworks (... and bugs). My husband, knowing me, didn't even bring it up.... until about 30 minutes before we needed to be there.

I rushed home from my very relaxing K-Roger trip (something about grocery shopping is relaxing to me... as long as I don't go in hungry - in which case it becomes a race to see if I actually pay for the Oreos before I purchase them). Anywho: I leave Kroger knowing that there is a huge possibility I'm about to face a few elements that I avoid individually and DEFINITELY when they're all together - but I didn't have time to get all upset about it or even think about it.

Came home. Unpacked said groceries. Packed our really cute red picnic basket (I love this thing... it makes me feel precious). put on "real" shoes (ie: not flip flops) and then we all jumped in the car to go downtown with the rest of Little Rock. By now it's 8:40 and fireworks are supposed to start at 9:something.

We parked. We walked. We found a really great place on the lawn to unpack our blanket, take off our shoes and open the red picnic basket. We snacked on fruit and veggies and Stacey's Pita Chips (I'm in LOVE with these). It felt so nice. It wouldn't have been so nice if we had planned on it. I can't put my finger on why.... but it wouldn't have. (Look at my boys in that photo... even in the same step. So cute.)

The fireworks were actually pretty impressive. I did my best not to freak out - and Luke was in love with the sky the entire time.

Totally worth the effort. It couldn't have felt the same if we planned it.

LADY! WHY did you have to be standing there? Geez.