The Real Kind.

I got called fat today. To my face. But it doesn't matter.

Allow me to break this down for you: My husband is ah-mazing.

I was having a particularly lovely day, minding my own business... thinking about getting off work and having a very much needed date night with my Sweetheart...and one of my residents (a rather harsh woman from New Orleans... late 50's, living off the government since Katrina, doesn't shower often or work ever) comes in to handle some lease signing business. We were all finished and this is how the conversation went:

Resident Smelly: You know, you got big
Me: .....excuse me?
RS: Yeah. You got big. You didn't used to be so big.
Me: That's not very nice. (insert complete look of bewilderment)
RS: Well, but you you know it's true.
Me: That doesn't mean I want to hear it. Here is a copy of your renewal.

She walked away smiling... her mission was complete. She got the government to sign another year of paying her rent so she can smoke weed and steal bread from the EZ mart - and she also managed to upset me. I didn't cry in front of her or anything, but when she left I definitely had one of those "... that. just. happened." moments. She isn't my friend or someone that I even care what they think about me... but what kind of adult DOES THAT? I mean.... DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or cry (I did a little of both).  Then I called my mom.

I didn't mean to give her such power over me... in fact, before I left work I even settled down and reminded myself that I have a husband that loves me even if I have gained 20something pounds over the past few years. Things happen... I've also been on a powerful steroid for the last 19 days - so I'm a little puffier than normal and retaining lots of water. I certainly didn't need her help in the self esteem department - I do fine on my own there.... trust me.

But

Then when I got in my car to leave - I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation and replaying it in my head.. trying to think of what I would have said had I been able to think. I probably would have been mean back... because that's the defensive thing to do. I would have mentioned her stench or the fact that I pay my own bills... or that I go home to a husband.... but that wouldn't have helped. It wouldn't have REALLY made me feel better.... maybe just a little less attacked - but not better. I really had my feelings hurt - I've never been called BIG to my face. The fact that she was just a random person made me feel really insecure - she doesn't know me or care about me... so if she says it and thinks it - the people that love me must just be trying to be nice... but they see it too. See? She got in my head a little.

And then I came home to my sweet, sweet husband. <3 Oh, that man. He had prepared. He knew what happened and that he had his work cut out for him. Poor guy...

He came home to me laying in bed with my sunglasses still on. I immediately replayed the scene for him and started crying so that he could begin consoling me with his charming words... He really knows what he is doing...

Then, in the middle of telling him the whole thing - I remembered that I'm reading a book called A Way With Words. I just started it a couple of days ago. It's about being careful with our words and using them only for the positive - trying to keep from destroying someone just because we can't hold our tongue - and I had a little feeling of accomplishment: I hadn't said something awful back to her. All I could get out was "that's not very nice". At the time, I was unhappy that I hadn't said something clever like "the good news is: my mother taught me manners!" or "Yeah, being in love and happy really makes me pack on the pounds"... but looking back, I'm so glad I didn't. Just like she doesn't know anything about me - I don't know anything about her or her history.... I'm really thankful that I said what I did. I don't think I'm allowed to take any "credit" because it didn't really occur to me until afterward, but I'm still glad. Granted - I pitched a fit when she left...

That's the short version - and my husband helped me work this all out and not feel bad about it.

So, after I pulled myself together, decided not to have an eating disorder and reapplied some eye makeup, we went to Cantina Laredo - one of our favorites (it's the best Mexican food in AR... it's the closest thing to Mexican food from home - and our favorite server there always makes us smile - his name is Carlos).

Two Cabo Margaritas later and some enchiladas camerones - I was STUFFED. Too stuffed.... gave myself a tummy ache. While at dinner the husband mentioned that he knew we would either go out and have a fabulous night as planned, or we would be taking a really long run - haha.

So - onto the part where true love owns:

We got home and my tummy was... unhappy. I had to lay down for a while... and he curled up with me to play Words With Friends (even though we previously established that it's kind of damaging to our relationship because I never get to win.... I'm actually winning our current game! I'm sure that will change soon). We both fell asleep for about an hour... We had originally planned on seeing a movie or SOMETHING else to follow up our dinner date - but that didn't happen. And now I'm writing this blog while he is reading and listening to music.... and we're HAPPY. I get to be happy. I can't believe that I married such an amazing man. I get to be the REAL KIND of happy. Maybe not skinny, at the moment, but happy!

Let's recap: some lady made me upset about being fat, I cried and went out to our dinner date anyways where I practiced being fat and gave myself a tummy ache, we came home and fell asleep instead of more fun date things and then woke up to relax together. I'd say that things are pretty great. Even if the scale doesn't read the way I really want it to right now. Former, less happy Melanie would have let that whole ordeal ruin the entire night. Happily married, very much loved Melanie knows it's not worth it.... She is way more fun!

So take me far away 

and hold me close to your heart 

and do me just this little favor 

for I do, yes I do love you

yes, I do love you. - KT